Submitted by Sunlee on
Printer-friendly version

My husband is moving out at the end of the month, and I suddenly realized
that I'll soon be single. The last thing I need is to jump into a relation-
ship, and yet after years of living in a desert, I feel so starved and
dehydrated that it's all I want. I understand that I need to give myself
time to be alone and nurture myself, yet I have no idea how to do that.
There's a man that I'm attracted to, and the urge to give myself away to
him feels unbearable. Not sexually, but in every other way. I've always put
a man first, and myself last.

Does anyone have any insight as to how one can accept/understand the
hunger and the longing? I'm as busy as I want to be....I have two children and a successful business, and maybe this ache is a universal one. I'm afraid
to think that it'll take a harmonious relationship to fill it, because I know
there are no guarantees. I could very well be on my own for a while.

Thanks,

Sunlee

clarity

Depression was my constant companion when I first got single. It seemed there wasn't any joy in being alone, that life would mean more if shared with someone, ...anyone. Those feeling are still there, but the hunger is less. Being able to choose rather than react to an obsession, and using a clarity of distance and time.

You don't sound like that is something which interests you now, but true understanding comes with pain. May you find clarity. May you have a joyful heart free of entanglement.

namaste' "digs"

- digger

Have you ever tried alanon? There is a lot of support there. Co- Dependents Annonymous is another good place to go.

My advice is to grow closer

My advice is to grow closer to yourself. It isn't that you don't need a man, it is that you need to learn how to treat yourself well. My best healing experiences have been learning to cherish who I am and take that to all the people I choose to be close to. And I think that those two things are necessarily intertwined; it isn't as though you can become perfect and then start a relationship. You have to go at a pace. It sounds like this guy you like may be too quick of a pace, but you at least need to value your desire for companionship and try to meet some needs through closeness to yourself or through friends. And remember that often when we ask questions they are retorical. You probably have a pretty good answer of what you should do in your present situation. It can just be painful to try and follow that course of action.

I hope this helps at all. If you work at loving yourself, finding out who you are and how to have an equal relationship instead of one of servanthood, then you will have beautiful relationships.