What if everything is a trigger?

Submitted by cheeriohead on
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I guess i'll introduce myself first...

I'm 21 years old, have been addicted to masturbation ever since I was 11 or 12. I visited this site a year ago cause I wanted, and still want to quit this addiction. In the past, the longest I held off orgasm was 3 weeks, and I was on vacation with family, so I couldn't do it while they were around. During that time though, I was looking through sites that would have triggered the urge to masturbate, but I held off cause I was with company.

Since then, I fell back into the same trap over and over again. I stop for a week, next week I masturbated to no end. I realize I completely have to stop looking at those sites cause of the triggers, but it isn't a simple task. You see, I have this fetish of pregnant women and BBW (big women) and the way they are shaped just drives me wild. It sucks cause in general I love all types of women, and that is what makes it so hard. I easily get turned on to just about any woman I see because I admire and see beauty in any woman one way or another, big or small. I think I might have an addiction to the internet also cause I know it contributes to the triggers. I just feel like I have to go on the net or else I would feel awkward, out of place, and just feel weird.

I tried everything to stop. I tried to stop going to those fetish sites and it didn't work. I tried to stop going online, didn't work. I always gravitate towards the computer cause it's nothing else to do at my house. I also get lonely and that triggers the urges too! Just yesterday I relapsed after going without going to those sites AND limiting my computer use for 5 or 6 days, but on day 3 I went to a site that triggered the urge to masturbate. It's not porn i'm looking at either, a few of the sites are either those celeb sites that show the paparazzi pics and non-nude fetish sites.

So how do I attempt to deal with these addictions I have if it isn't technically porn i'm watching?

Thanks for sharing your story

First, it's not an easy addiction to kick, because it hijacks your most powerful drive and diverts it to synthetic substitutes that just leave you hungrier.

Second, we moved all the best of the advice the men here have contributed to this sister-site. Have a look around. Watch Gary's presentation. Read the other rebooting stories. Ask Uncle Bob for advice, etc. http://yourbrainonporn.com/

Everything will be a trigger until your brain comes back into balance. Then it won't seem that way because you'll have more control.

Doesn't matter *what* you're looking at. It won't satisfy. The fact that you find a particular flavor of porn "extremely exciting" means that it is overstimulating your reward circuitry and dampening your responsiveness to normal stimuli. In other words, just as you've figured out, you're on a one-way street. You need to choose a different street. Smile

Reading your post, I think you've hit on two things that will really help. The first is to get out of the house and find ways to deal with that boredom and loneliness. There are lots of suggestions here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-to-connect-with-others

The second is to gain control of your computer: http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change#computer

Also, start a blog if you like.

*big hug*


Thanks for the response, and thanks for the links. I really appreciate it. I never really talked about my struggles to anyone so I really appreciate it! I really should cut down on the internet use altogether and get out there! Also, I feel like I should focus on my music-making instead of dwelling on this addiction.


Me and my friend, he understands the type of music I make since we listen to everything, but he's the only one that REALLY gets me. Where I live, almost everyone is closed-minded when it comes to different types of music. They are just into one genre. I love all types, whether it be rock, electronic or even experimental stuff. I talk to him through facebook and every once in a while he either comes over my house, or he invites me over his house or we go to the movies. I don't have a car so we can't do it as often. It sucks cause he and certain people I work with actually GET me and what i'm into and WHY i'm into it.

I always wanted to hang around like-minded people, but around here it makes being yourself difficult....

Well, do what you can

to spend more time with these people, even if it's not convenient to do so. Where there's a will there's a way.

Can you find time to take a walk each day, too? That can be a good way to avoid the computer. Exercise? Want to learn to meditate? Smile

I will definitely try.

Me and my friend are usually busy during the week with work, so that might be a challenge. As for certain co-workers, one is married with a kid and the other is a questionable friend at the moment because of what i found out today.

I do like to excercise and i just love biking, both the stationery and real versions. I will be doing an hour or two on it, and i wouldn't mind trying to meditate. I think i tried once and i dont think i did it right...

Im just ready to finally reboot my brain after years of this rut. I definitely can't keep doing this...


You've made tremendous progress already and I wish you continued success.
I too started at puberty and carried on for more than 40 years. The big change commenced when I redefined myself as a man who does not seek orgasm (thank you Marnia and Gary). Trying to stop using didn't work. The desire fell off when I made that shift 2 years ago. I can't remember the last time I jacked off (we don't count Lower Chakra Lightning Breath, do we Marnia?) but just yesterday a photo of Jennifer Lopez held my interest longer than necessary.
The triggers are everywhere. Your desire is for union with the Goddess. For you it seems not only Aphrodite but the Great Mother Birther Creator as well. Icons of the Goddess and creation abound. Praise her, thank her for her gifts. Treat yourself and the models with compassion.
I think practicing a discipline is important in this struggle. Practice something you really value, enjoy (music?) and can be successful at. Stretch your self by making an committment to doing a little more on a regular basis. Declare it's value to yourself, the world, and stick with it. This practice will build skills for dealing with the Big One.
Much Love


Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am determined to kick this habit, and I really don't want to fall off again.

That is definitely an accomplishment you made! Congrats on making that shift.