On the Healing Path...

Submitted by Ryan on
Printer-friendly version

I have to keep this quick, because my wife and I are practicing yoga together in a few minutes. But here's a glimpse of my story:

- I'm 28, been married for 4 years, and my wife and I are expecting our first child in March.
- I have been addicted to porn / masterbation / orgasm since I was 12 years old.
- I have attempted to "stop" looking at porn many times, with pretty much no success.
- My wife and I have read "Peace Between the Sheets", and although sceptical, decided to try the exchanges to see what would happen with my addiction and with our relationship.
- I stopped my orgasms (masterbating and sex) for 2 weeks, but on the day my wife and I were to start the exchanges, I crumbled and looked at porn and masterbated. It was a very eye opening experience as I was really excited to connect with my wife and start on the exchanges - and then I blew it. Literally. However, I was very open with my wife about what had happened, apologiezed, and told her that I was going to start all over. The honesty was a new thing for me --- and that really had an impact on my wife. She saw my intentions and I think that was the day she really allowed herself to start trusting me again.
- I made it through the 2 weeks. We were both anxious to start the exchanges, more than anything. Cuase we were already feeling the potential love that was just under the surface waiting to pour over from us.
- We are on exchange 4 now, but it has been a little difficult since I have been out of town 3 days of the week. But we are making a strong effort to really give to each other, and things have been great.
- Both of us are feeling very sexual, but we are being conscious of the energy and are making sure we do 2 things what that energy.
1. Be open and honest with each other about it.
2. Use the sexual energy to GIVE GIVE GIVE.

Porn (and orgasm) is a very strong addiction and should not be taken lightly. However, if you are suffering from this additiction, know that healing is possible - in fact, it can be very easy. Having a loving partner helps, but you must believe that your life is worth living, that you deserve happiness and freedom, and that your addictive cycle is what is causing you pain. Get over your fears and learn to love yourself.

If I can do it, you can too.

To all addicts out there --- I give you all my love.


What a beautiful post

Thanks for sharing your experience, Ryan.

At the end of the day, this practice is all about helping each other heal by holding a safe space. The joy of working toward that goal together can make the backward steps fade very quickly.

I know that when my husband was using this practice to give up alcohol I got discouraged when he had a setback, but I also enjoyed the fact that I had a constructive way to help him, simply by sticking with this affectionate lovemaking practice.

That was a much more satisfying way to help than scolding, Smile or even going to al anon. I was there for him - but helping him increase his willpower at the same time - which felt good. The alcohol problem was behind us for good by four months into the relationship.

Keep going!