My story

Submitted by Extreme on
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Hello people,

Just wanted to share my story here! Started masturbating when I was around 12-13 years old. My family broke up at the same time and I probably used masturbation as a way to escape reality. I have always been quite shy with the ladies but apparently been quite popular. Somehow I think this addiction has a link to my fear of real intimacy.

My last girlfriend was really hurt when she found out that I had a porn collection. I defended my self and said that this was normal, but then she got really upset when she found a bill for phone-sex. The relationship ended after 5 years and my addiction really worsened after this. I am now 31 years old and experiencing ED and anxiety when trying to have sex. Stopped cold turkey 2 weeks ago after another failure in bed with a really nice girl.

I also stopped using nicotine 2 weeks ago so I am experiencing double withdraw symptoms: Restless-legs, bad sleep, anger, depression and loneliness. On the positive side I am: training more, earlier to bed, more focused and more energy. It seems like my feelings are both through the roof and down through the floor..

Congratulations

on a good solid launch. Sorry to hear about your family troubles. This is a tough planet. Fact is, probably every addict has a "good" reason for turning to brain-altering behaviors/substances. It's too bad that they only help in the moment, and make circumstances gradually worse over all. Sad

Great description of recovery:

It seems like my feelings are both through the roof and down through the floor.

Have you checked out the tools here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change#tools

I enabled you to blog. It helps to record those good days so you can look back and see your progress. And it can help to whine about the bad days to those who can relate, too.

It's brave of you to stop nicotine at the same time. That can be both bad and good, too. Keep us posted.

*big hug*

Extreme, there are many here

Extreme, there are many here with similar grievances: hankhill77, likeanidiot, grey12, myself. Some were more addicted than others, and others (like myself) would probably refuse to even call themselves addicts... But inability to get it up at one point or another is a common feature. I also quit smoking some time ago. Let's follow each other's progress and help each other through regular updates. Good luck!

Thank you for the kind

Thank you for the kind replies people :)

I actually had a masturbation relapse the evening after writing the first post. This is my one and only failure so far, and it happened after a couple of beers. I reckon alcohol might be a trigger for me so I will stay away from that the next months...

I had a really good experience with a girl last week. We didn`t have sex but I had a strong erection during the slow kissing and touching Wink This is a real eye-opener for me as the benefits from staying away from PMO happens so fast.

My psyche seems to be much stronger as well, and I`m more social and outgoing than before.

Big hug back at you Marnia!

Very nice, Extreme! Don't

Very nice, Extreme! Don't masturbate (too much) and keep yourself loaded - when the time comes for the clothes to fly off you wanna be full and ready and not empty! Smile
I was also nice and erect some time ago when I was making out with a girl and then when the time came... Sad I'm not saying this to discourage you, I'm saying it to encourage you - not to masturbate! I think it was all the masturbation I was doing during that time, not even watching porn then (but having watched previously and thinking about it during the jerk off sessions) - I can't believe I actually chose my own hand and stupid fantasies to her vagina and reality. That I think cost me the relationship I wanted with that girl. I'm still upset about it - and will be for a long time, I really liked her - like nobody I had liked in a very long while. I better stop this post before I get really upset. But in short - masturbation propaganda on the internet completely misses the point - history with porn, unhealthy fantasies, frequency seem to matter.
It's so nice you're seeing progress. Be smart about it man!

I am sorry to hear piper, we

I am sorry to hear piper, we all have one or a few that "got away". Try not to beat your self up too much man, plenty of fish in the sea. I have to keep reminding myself of this every day so I don't feel discouraged when I miss a chance. The more you flirt, the more girls you'll meet. And if your meeting girls on a more regular basis now, then you might find another girl you really like sooner then you think. “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”- Alexander Graham Bell

*hugs*

I`m back and ready to free

I`m back and ready to free my self from this strange addiction once again. As you already understand I have drifted back into some bad habits. Somehow I have come to understand that this is linked to an anxiety towards intimacy. I really like the scientific approach on this but for my case its just one side of the story. This time I am also going to seek professional treatment like EMDR to change my belief patterns. My slip happened right after I chickened out of having sex with a great girl I had dated for a while. I had a so many excuses not to have sex with her, but they where all "brain-worms" when I objectively analyze them now.

My porn use has over the years gone from still-pictures of naked women to more hardcore and shemaleporn. I am really ashamed by this on so many levels and it threatens my masculinity. I have read some other stories with the shemale issues on this site and can identify with their thoughts.

I felt so good after a couple of weeks of abstaining from PMO and I want back!

Thank you for this site and all the people sharing their thoughts:)

No need to feel bad

about *anything* you watched. Remember, it was just your brain trying to get a "fix" of extra dopamine after too much initial stimulation. Content is irrelevant.

Boot out the brain worms and snuggle the goddesses. Wink

How are you doing today?

Hehe, thank you Marnia I`m

Hehe, thank you Marnia :) I`m doing really good today, just been to "the wall" concert with Roger Waters. That show made a huge impact on me as it describes Waters isolation against the world. I highly recommend it....

I have been PMO free the last 5 days, this time it`s going much easier. It`s like my mind and body remember from last time I abstained that I can manage long periods between orgasms;)

I will start to blog my progression from now...