Day 39

Submitted by keks on
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I would like to share my story here because I thinks it helps me to get through this. But I have to say I´m from austria, so my english is not the best but i will try anyway. I used to masturbate a lot even without porn since my early teens (a few times every day). When I was about 16 or 17 I startet watching porn and I began to masturbate even more. Today I´m 25 years old and I am a student and the last 10 month I stayed at home a lot to write my bachelorthesis. At this time I masturbated usually 5 times a day, sometimes 8 times mostly while watching porn. A few month ago I tried to have sex with a girl but it did not work. She was naked and she was definitely sexual atractive but I could not get aroused, not at all, I think i even got bored by looking at her. This was the first time i tried to have sex since 3 years.
Finally i found this article on google:
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201010/how-i-recovere...

There I found the site yourbrainonporn.com and I finally startet to reboot. First I just quit porn (70 days ago) and surprisingly I did never relapse but I still masturbated about 2-3 a day and it occurred to me that I am probably more addicted to masturbation than to porn since it was very easy for me to stop porn but I could not stop masturbating. I tried it a few times and relapsed but now I´m on day 21 of no M/O and day 70 of no P. A few days after I stopped masturbating my libido and my morning wood disappeared completely. Now after 3 weeks my libido is still gone but my morning wood is slowly returning. But I´m pretty sure my libido will come back either.

Another thing is that I have always been a very shy person. I dont know why because if I think about myself I think in a really positive way. I am convinced that I`m a smart and nice person but when I´m around people which I dont know so well I´m so anxious all the time and I can never be myself. I care too much about what people think about me. Now I was reading that social phobia is tightly linked to a lack of dopamine or a lack of dopamine receptors. Maybe the rebooting process will help me to be more confident because I think masturbating 8 times a day is not realy healthy for a balanced dopamine production. And indeed I already feel more confident around people just after 3 weeks.

One benefit of quitting masturbation I can definetly see already is the impact on my acne. I have had a mild acne since my teens. 3 days after I quit masturbation my acne stopped completely. Thats realy nice. I can imagine that masturbating 8 times a day caused a big mess in my hormons.

So long. I will keep you updated about my recovering process.

edit: I would like to thank you so much for this site and especially for yourbrainonporn.com this realy helped me.

Thanks for making

the effort to post here. Your experience is very helpful to others, and your English is just as good or better. Wink

It's great to hear that your shyness is fading. Exciting, eh? You're not the first person to mention the acne improvement either. I should add that to the collection of improvements people notice.

Yes, stopping any habit is really tough, and porn and masturbation certainly reinforce each other, so stopping both at once is difficult.

It's unnerving when your libido "flatlines" all of a sudden during the recovery process, isn't it? I'm glad it's on the mend. I think you're right that it will continue to improve.

You seem to have a lot of self-control. What do you think helps you the most with that?

I've enabled you to blog in case you would like to keep us up to date on your progress.

I Have a question regarding

I Have a question regarding my recovery process.
Today i will finish week 4 of no PMO. I´m feeling pretty well so i dont think i will relapse in the near future (my goal is 8 weeks).
But the one thing I can´t stop is my imagination.
The First 2-3 Weeks it was not a problem because my libido was gone anyway and i didn´t care about women at all.
But since i feel my libido coming back I can´t avoid phantasizing.
For example when I wake up in the morning I´m pretty horny and I think about sex a lot and get an erection.
Also I think a lot about sex during the day and I can´t stop that. Its like the more i try to stop the more i think about it :)
But i never think about porn or special sexual practices i know from porn. I just think about sex with my last girlfriend or imagine having sex with one of my fellow students.

Now my question:
Is this a problem regarding the reset of the whole dopamine thing?
Is there a dopamine dumping even when I just think about sex?
Because i want my receptors back :) and I think if i dump too much dopamine by thinking about sex, this process may be slowed down?

It depends on you

If it's leaving you restless and horny all day, then it's a problem.

Try just getting out of bed immediately for a few days and see what you notice.

Congratulations on your progress! Glad the libido is back. What are you doing to connect with potential girlfriends??

Yeah i know i have to get

Yeah i know i have to get out of bed immediately but its too hard sometimes :)

At my university there are like 80% girls and 20% men, so I actually met and talk to a lot of girls. But my expectations about a girl are usually too high. Sometimes I talk to a girl and I think she is realy perfect but after I met her a few times I see to many things I dont like. But its definitely not about how she looks its about what she says or how she behaves. But I´m sure I will met my perfect girl someday :)

Update day 39

I would like to give you an update on my rebooting process:
Im right now on day 39 without porn or orgasm. I touched myself a few times though.
As far as i can feel it I made a huge improvement in terms of ED. I can get an errection just by seeing a girl and imagine having sex with her.

About the social anxiety:
At the moment it is realy hard to tell how much my self-confidence has improved.
There is one thing I did not mention ealier because its not easy for me to talk about.
I used to be very much on my own in the past and just had 2 really good friends. A few month ago I dated a girl who was the most impressive girl I have ever dated. We went out 3 times but I screwed it up because I was so freaking impressed by her that I was even more shy than usuall. But we decided to stay friends and I got to know her friends which are also mine now. So I´m hanging out with these friends a lot the last two month. But the thing is I still love this girl I have dated (probably I love her more than i have ever loved a girl) so I´m always feeling like acting like an idiot when she is around. Thats why i cant describe how much my self-confidence has improved because I have great mood changes lately and some nights i cant find sleep but I think its all about this girl. When she is not around i feel a lot more confident and calm inside. So its not possible for me to say how much I have changed because my live has changed so much in the last 2 month and its a bigger challange for me now than before.

Hey keks, I'm sure she's

Hey keks, I'm sure she's cool, but don't put her on a pedestal! I can guarantee you her farts still smell bad. We're all human and so is she. Take a deep breath, and allow yourself to be yourself. Whatever the right thing is for you will happen. Keep your chin up.