Day 8 of the No PMO Challenge

Submitted by PornAddictTim on
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Today marks the longest I've gone without PMO since I began viewing porn and masturbating as a child, so I figured I would start a log. It has actually been 3 weeks or so without porn. My original intent was to give up porn alone since that seemed to be the main culprit. But, I realized that it was too difficult to masturbate without visualizing fetish porn scenes, so I came to terms with what had to be done.

I have had sex with two girls since beginning this period of abstinence, but I did not orgasm. I rarely have ED problems, but the frequent inability to orgasm during sex is one of the symptoms that brought me here. The other issue is shame brought on by the fetish porn that I advanced to (transexual) and a fear of advancing further. I've also never had morning wood. I never put much thought into this, but apparently this is another side effect of too much PMO.

So far, my main withdrawal symptom has been HOCD. Lately, it has been difficult for me to go out in public without questioning and testing myself over and over. I had severe HOCD when younger, but nearly completely recovered years ago. This has been the first time in 8-10 years that HOCD is starting to affect my life again. Fortunately, this sufferer posted his story which gives me hope since it sounds so similar:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/62

So, I'll keep this updated every few days. I would like to make it 6-8 weeks. I still haven't committed myself to giving up sex during this period of PMO abstinence since I have no desire to become celibate in the future. I really just want to grow accustomed to feeling arousal and reaching orgasm from sex. I'll have to make a judgement over the next few weeks to find out if this needs to be eliminated, as well.

Thanks for your support.

Thanks for keeping us posted

No one here likes celibacy! It's sometimes helpful during a reboot to pass up the extreme stimulation of PMO, but sex is always beneficial. Intercourse doesn't have to equal orgasm...strange as that sounds. Affectionate touch and closeness are very good for humans.

Yeah, that HOCD is very sneaky. But *most* people have some anxiety about something, rational or irrational, during recovery. It's normal, because your brain chemistry is bouncing around. Did you read the bit I quoted elsewhere about how it's *straight guys* who watch the transexual porn? If not, read this FAQ: http://yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual

It's very brave of you to make this experiment. I hope you see results. Be patient.

*big hug*

Yes, that article helped a

Yes, that article helped a lot. I'm glad you posted it.

I did have sex again a few days ago and felt more aroused than I ever remember feeling during sex. My erection was firmer than ever before and I did orgasm with a condom...maybe even a bit prematurely which is unheard of for me. I'm sure you grow tired of hearing about random guys' erections, but it felt great to notice an improvement so quickly despite having my doubts.

While the porn fantasies still creep into my head, they're becoming less arousing and slightly distasteful. I knew to watch for the relapse after orgasm, but it has still been difficult. I've been more tempted than ever to masturbate.

Thanks again for the support.

Are you kidding? We love erections!

We changed the slogan for Your Brain On Porn to "Saving the world...one erection at a time." Wink

Seriously, your feedback is really important for several reasons. First, it helps other visitors; second it means the advice we're feeding back is sound advice (which matters to us a lot); and third, it's good for you to track those changes as you see them. Helps on the dark days.

It's very exciting that you can see the shift. Just that quickly your brain is returning to normal sensitivity! Skepticism is good, and so is willingness to set aside preconceived notions to try something new.

Good luck staying ahead of the chaser effect. Smile

I literally could have

I literally could have written your post myself - addiction to PMO, escalation to transexual porn, subsequent HOCD, some good and some bad sexual experiences but a few times copulatory ED or being unable to orgasm during sex - these are all a part of my story as well. I unfortunately found trans stuff at 15 or 16 and have been hooked on it ever since. I'm incredibly ashamed of it, even though I come back to it time and time again. It has been the most negative thing in my life for 8 or 9 years now, since it has stopped me from having a healthy relationship with a woman and has really brought down my confidence and self-esteem. It's been my skeleton in the closet.

It's time for both of us to ween ourselves off this unhealthy addiction and be with real women. I am, and I'm assuming you are as well, attracted to women in real life. Even though I struggle with some HOCD, I'm pretty confident that I'm a straight male - I've always been attracted physically and romantically to women, but once I get into computer/fantasy mode, it's usually trans stuff. I'm glad to hear that you're having sex and moving towards a healthy sex life. One of my big hang ups is sexual anxiety, since I feel like every time I have sex I'm testing my heterosexuality, which inevitably leads to performance issues. You seem to be having sex even though you have this issue, and I think thats the best way to get through to the other side. Despite opportunity, I've shied away from sex for a very long time - 'avoidance' as Gary calls it in his videos. Hopefully I can follow in your footsteps and start putting myself in sexual situations.

Good luck to you, and I'm looking forward to seeing your progress.

Glad to hear you're feeling optimistic

I think you have every reason to be. Just remember...problematic porn is just random stimulation that people in advertently wire up to sexual arousal. It's the porn you watch *before* the "problem porn" that leaves you craving the extra kick. Plan your strategy accordingly! Smile

Thanks Marnia. That's a

Thanks Marnia. That's a catchy name!

I'm glad that you can relate Callo! We definitely have similar symptoms and the same timeline. The trans porn and HOCD also prevented me from forming a relationship. I felt like I would be living a lie if I were to date a female while masturbating to trans porn. At the same time, I knew it wouldn't feel right to date a trans, and definitely not another male since I was never attracted to anything but females prior to discovering trans porn. Even now, if I go out in public and the HOCD is not screwing up my mind, it's easy to recognize that I'm attracted to females and not males.

But, I think we'll begin to see how common this fetish has become over the next few years. The amount of trans porn available has increased by a huge amount since I first discovered it. A few months ago when trying to figure myself out, I even messaged a few trans on online dating sites who were looking for relationships. They mentioned that they were on the verge of deleting their accounts because they received 50-100 messages per day from guys classified as straight who wanted to have sex with them just to try it. The trans themselves even brought up trans porn as the reason behind the sudden sexual interest and objectification of transgenders.

I don't know what the verdict is on having sex during a reboot, but I don't think I would make it without it. I do experience some HOCD during foreplay and sex, but the last experience actually made the HOCD go away completely for a few days since I was very aroused without needing to fantasize about anything. And, once the HOCD stopped bothering me, my sex drive increased further which provided more reinforcement. I think that just one good experience will get you back on track.

I want to limit my orgasms to sex only, particularly during this reboot, but it's proving to be incredibly difficult. It was so easy to masturbate in 5-10 minutes and then fall asleep on a weeknight. Even with casual sexual relationships, it's a much more involved process that requires socializing, going out at times, dealing with personalities, and having girls sleep over when you really just want to get a good night's rest. Despite it being a hassle, I think it's helping me stray away from the introverted, self-centered person I had become.

Well, right before the 2

Well, right before the 2 week mark, I relapsed horribly. So, now I get to start back from day 1. Such a disappointment.

I was becoming extremely tense and high-strung from the lack of orgasm. Nearly everything pissed me off and I found it impossible to talk to women because of the state I was in. I came across as really desperate. I was also becoming concerned about premature ejaculation since regular sex was so arousing when no longer viewing porn or masturbating. I finally threw in the towel and decided to masturbate with no external stimulation just to get back into the right state of mind. It helped, but the chaser effect caused a full relapse the next day.

I knew I didn't want to masturbate again, so I signed up for an online dating site to try to meet a girl. This escalated to CraigsList personals and casual encounters where I spent hours. I kept stumbling across trans ads which didn't seem all that appealing anymore, but they brought back memories of porn. The more time I spent browsing ads, the more my mind shifted into the porn state until I eventually started looking at trans ads and then masturbating to porn.

I even woke up this morning craving more, so I came here to post to try to avoid another relapse. It feels like the last two weeks have been a waste since I know I reinforced the pathways. The fetish porn appeal was dissipating quickly up until this point. When I had sex, I was getting turned on by what was actually occurring...not the fantasy I was playing in my head. I was aroused by just imagining a girl naked.

If nothing else, I think this strengthened my confidence in the benefits of the PMO abstinence period. I could see changes within two weeks and began to feel like a normal, straight male. It's just so easy to fall back into the old routine. Obviously, the dating sites are a gateway. CraigsList is something I need to avoid completely during my second attempt.

Learning your triggers

is as important as any aspect of recovery. Having seen the benefits, you now know everything you need to know. It often takes some time to master a new skill. And the chaser effect should fade a bit with time.

*big hug*

Tim, sorry to hear about

Tim, sorry to hear about your recent relapse. I made it to day 11 of my first attempt at quitting and relapsed pretty hard (six orgasms in 2.5 days, some to trans porn), so I can relate to how you feel right now. I'm back on track at day 7 of my second attempt, but am struggling mightily to stay away today - I'm having pretty intense urges but I've stayed strong so far.

Just something to keep in mind, this second time I felt better earlier than my first quitting attempt. You have to remember that a relapse doesn't start you back at square one - it's more like slipping a few feet back down, but not falling all the way down to bottom. You've still probably had far fewer orgasms and porn viewings than before in the same time period, so your body and mind are healing regardless of the relapse.

I'm out for a bit

Thanks Marnia and Callo. I posted yesterday about my relapse, yet I once again spent nearly four hours looking at porn today. It was a complete binge this weekend after going so long without it.

I'm going to take an extreme approach and disconnect my Internet for a month. I can access email and other necessary sites from work, so I can function fine without home Internet. I clearly cannot control myself otherwise. I always relapse the same way. I'll start browsing normal dating sites, then casual encounters on CraigsList, and then porn. The weekends are especially difficult when I'm at home sitting in front of the computer for hours. Even when I did resist the urge to look at porn, I pissed away many hours on the Internet being unproductive.

I truly hope you make it this time, Callo. This addiction sucks. I agree that I'm not completely back at square one. I did "see the light" for the short time period that I did abstain. It was a great feeling to go out and be so aroused by all of the women surrounding me. Or, to reach orgasm during sex and not feel shame and regret afterwards like I did when masturbating to fetish porn.

I'm actually somewhat excited about starting this time. Good luck to you all.

That's too bad that you're

That's too bad that you're going to be disconnected from the site. I found your posts and nearly mirror situation encouraging, but if you feel like you need to completely cut yourself off then its probably for the best. Good luck my friend - we will get through this. Hope to see you checking in every once in a while from work perhaps.

Don't worry about my absence

I went less than 24 hours before relapsing. I'm at a loss for how to overcome this addiction. I've been on a complete porn binge the past few days after slipping up once. It seems like it's impossible to get started again. I keep viewing the trans sites and questioning whether or not it's an attraction I need to accept in reality or if it's just a fetish that I developed.

When I abstain from the porn, I'm definitely attracted to females and have a huge sex drive. I even began to forget about the trans stuff which tells me that I would have never developed the fetish without Internet porn. But, it just bothers me to know that if I ever get into a relationship, there's a chance I may relapse and start viewing trans porn. I just like to be completely honest with myself and stay an open book, but I'm not even sure what's reality. Once I view trans porn for an extended time period, I start to find regular girls more appealing, so I realize that it also wouldn't make sense to be with a trans girl in a relationship. Not to mention, in reality, 99% don't look anywhere near as feminine as porn stars which wouldn't appeal to me.

I can't say I even have an approach now. Previously, I went over a month without porn and 12 days without masturbation. I wasn't really craving the porn when I started the abstinence period and I honestly didn't feel much of a desire to look at it for the entire month. But, after casually viewing a few pornographic pictures a few days ago, I started the all-out binge. So, maybe I'll just have to wait until the binge period ends since it seems like I have no control over myself currently...as dumb as that sounds.

Read 10 keys...

After relapsing again today, I decided to download and read the e-book "10 Keys to Breaking Pornography Addiction". The author makes great points that I can relate to entirely.

Today has been hell and I can't seem to get porn and masturbation off of my mind. I don't know what the fetishes mean in reality, but I am certain that I have a pornography/sex addiction that I need to deal with before worrying about anything else.

You gotta hang in there

You gotta hang in there man... No matter how many times you relapse you just have to keep trying.

How busy are you on a day to day basis? For me, I've really just tried to keep myself out of the house as much as I can and it's really helped.

I'm trying to make it

I'm trying to make it through today which will be the first evening in the past 4-5 days. I know it will get easier after a few days, but breaking out of this continuous binge is extremely hard.

I was heavily into the

I was heavily into the transexual porn as well, guys. In fact, it looks like you already read my story on yourbrainonporn :)
I haven't rebooted yet, I'm far from 'Normal' again, but one thing I can tell you, is the less you connect 'transexual' = 'arousal', the less it appeals to you. I know it sounds like common sense, but its honestly that simple. Leave the transexual porn alone and start getting your kicks elsewhere and it looses its appeal.

I haven't viewed transexual porn in a VERY long time, I was into it for years, as you read, now.. It has hardly any power at all. Honestly, I'm not going to tell you the desire for it has completely 100% gone, it hasn't, but it keeps getting weaker and weaker gradually. I'm very confident that it will go away entirely after I properly reboot as well. A few guys who got themselves into full on gay porn said that happened. You need to remember transexual porn is an artificial kink, it isn't found in nature, therefore if you can link it up to arousal, you can break it away from arousal.
My desire for real women has overridden my desire for transexuals, while a year or so ago, it was the reverse. I can tell you that it IS reversable, the desire for it goes away the less you use it and the desire for women comes back in heaps and bounds-That has become a problem in itself for me, as I can't do 8 weeks abstinence because I can't keep my bloody hands off my girlfriend! :)

As for the HOCD.. You'll never reason with it, never beat it and never "prove" you are strait to yourself, so stop trying.
Sexuality in itself is far too ambigious for us humans to understand with the technology we currently have available, if it was as simple as "Strait" "Bisexual" and "gay" people wouldn't constantly keep doing tests on sexuality.
That may sound odd, but its the truth. You can't beat HOCD, you'll never prove you are strait to yourself, so just leave it. Seriously, leave it alone, thats the only way it goes away, don't let it bother you, laugh at it and be with who you want to be with. I find the HOCD does get stronger the less I go without porn, but then after the 3 week mark it begins to go away-I haven't gotten much further than that though, I'm afraid, but I'm pretty sure that once you've rebooted and left the porn alone for a couple of months, it won't even be on your mind anymore!

I wish you guys good luck, we're all in the same boat no matter what porn we escalated to, we all fight the same battle and we're all going to win. :)

Well said

Transexual porn absolutely is a fetish...not an orientation.

It would be as if unicorn porn were sold to women as a shocking "upgrade" from normal sex...and women started wondering if they were into bestiality. Seriously. It's a completely manufactured "cartoon" sexual taste. Less attention the better if you want that artificially created brain circuit to weaken.

So glad to hear you're doing well, UK20. good for you sticking with it. Smile

Good to hear from you, 20UK.

Good to hear from you, 20UK. Your story was extremely helpful when I first discovered that site. I did experience the same effects you did when I abstained from porn for a month. The trans thoughts were gone and I directed 100% of my sex drive towards women...also to the point of where they were asking me why I was so horny. Still a good feeling, though. The trans porn is an artificial kink, but I remember browsing trans dating sites which made it seem like more of a reality. I can't imagine getting into gay porn. I guess when the porn is removed, the same heterosexual clarity returns.

I got through yesterday and today was much easier. There is still a huge temptation, but I feel like I can control it. It became easy to control last time, but I became negligent and even doubted that I had any sort of addiction. I am now aware of the need to stay on my toes.

I'm getting close to the one

I'm getting close to the one week mark again with no PMO, but I did screw up bad over the weekend. I drank too much one night and got the idea in my head that I needed to experiment with a trans to find out the truth about my sexuality/attraction. While still inebriated, I talked to one online and met up. I was somewhat aroused if I imagined trans porn, but the whole experience didn't feel right and I became disgusted. I couldn't go through with anything and had to eject.

After that occurred, I was around a few girls who were into me. I felt aroused and I enjoyed the entire experience of just flirting/talking with them. It felt right. So, while I shouldn't have needed any reinforcement, I think it further proves that the trans attraction is porn-derived and doesn't carry over well to real-life experiences. I should've known this from the last time I gave up porn and stopped feeling attraction to anything trans-related.

As far as the PMO goes, I'm at 6 days and the urges to look at porn are weak. I really haven't been too tempted to masturbate, either. I'd like to completely avoid that as well this time...someone else recommended that last time and I didn't listen. I don't feel too high-strung so far and I do seem to be more relaxed socially.