Hi all. I found Your Brain on Porn a few weeks back and it really resonated with me. I'm in my late thirties, and have been masturbating almost daily since I was about 12. Porn was hard to come by in those early years, but ever since I got out on my own in my early 20s, I've used the Internet with abandon. For the last few years I've masturbated to porn videos most days.
What made your site jump out at me is that all the symptoms you described -- the flagging libido, the ED when having sex with a partner, recurring bouts of depression, lack of goals etc -- match me to a tee. In fact for most of my adult life I've seen the depression as the root problem -- and the ED as a side effect of the anti-depressants I've taken -- but now I wonder if it hasn't been porn and its effects on the dopamine pathways all along.
Anyway, I'm now on day 11 of the reboot. And what I mean by my headline is that so far I haven't had any sort of potent reaction to quitting. I feel urges occasionally to look at porn, but nothing so strong that I have any trouble resisting. Definitely no mood swings or anything like that yet, either. So so far, things have been pretty easy in that sense.
But I also haven't had even a stirring of revived libido yet, and this is a bit of a problem because the whole thing here is I'm trying to get myself reset so I can be a real husband for my very loving wife. I've told her about this project, and she kind of feels like yeah, it's about time. She hasn't had any objection to my porn use in the past, because we assumed that the anti-depressants and related anxiety were the root of the problem, and at least porn was a sign that something was happening in me. But of course that meant we really had no clear solution we could hope for. Now I'm optimistic after reading some of the stories on this site that maybe I've found the way to return to the lust and energy we had in our early times together.
But this emptiness, this big non-reaction I've had to the reboot so far has me worried. What if it's not the porn that's the problem? Or what if it is, but the damage is irreparable? And do my wife and I have to wait 60 days or whatever until we can start trying to have sex? We already barely manage it once a month -- on the one hand, I guess you could say what's another month if it will buy us a better sex life going forward; but on the other hand, it's already bad enough, isn't it? And how will I know when it's a good time to try again? So often when we have sex, I wind up fantasizing about past situations or sometimes porn scenarios. I'm afraid I won't be able to get it up and keep it up without those scenes running through my head, thereby undoing (at least a little) whatever progress I make.
Anyway. That's what's going down over here. Any tips from folks who've been here before, much appreciated.