Two Weeks Into 2nd Attempt

Submitted by PornAddictTim on
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I wanted to post an update since I know there were a few of you following my progress. My previous thread is here, but I ended up rambling too far off topic:

http://www.reuniting.info/node/6091

I found YourBrainonPorn around 6-7 weeks ago. I read many things that sounded familiar and finally came to the conclusion that I had a problem. I started viewing porn when I was 11. I'm 26 now. It started off innocently, but I became hooked and advanced to extreme fetishes (trans porn causing me the most distress since I identify as straight). For over a decade, porn was my sole source of sexual satisfaction. I had no desire to meet women or have actual sex.

When I did begin having sex in my early 20s, driven to do so out of self-embarrassment more than anything, it was disappointing. I had to fantasize about porn to become aroused. I was so accustomed to masturbating with a stiff grip that my penis was numb to the feel of a vagina. I was unable to reach orgasm and I lost my erection easily. Over the next few years, I began to realize that I may need to cut back on masturbation and porn if I wanted to enjoy sex, but I was still in doubt over whether or not it was a problem and never stayed away from it consistently.

When I found YourBrainonPorn, I decided to stop viewing porn. I continued to masturbate until I realized that I could not keep the fetish porn fantasies out of my head during masturbation. I realized that this was impeding recovery, so I stopped masturbating as well after nearly 3 weeks of no porn. A week later, I had sex with a girl and felt more aroused than ever before. My erection was extremely firm and I came very quickly. I felt great. I lasted for another 5 days until I dropped my guard down and figured that masturbating without fantasies shouldn't be a problem. I went through with it and didn't feel too guilty. The next day, I stumbled across a few pictures of women in lingerie. I searched for more and ended up falling into a 5 day porn binge. I probably spent 40 hours viewing porn during those 5 days. I felt horrible throughout, but I could not stop. I even tried putting the modem outside, but I ended up retrieving it and reconnecting it to view more porn. I was completely shocked. Prior to the relapse, I truly thought I was done with porn. It seemed too easy. I even doubted that I had any sort of addiction.

Eventually, I broke out of this binge. The 1st day was incredibly difficult, but it has once again become easier and easier. I'm at two weeks today. I did have sex a few days ago with a girl I never had sex with before. I masturbated beforehand because I was paranoid about premature ejaculation. I had sex with her hours afterwards and still ended up reaching orgasm within 5-6 minutes. While I would like to be able to last longer, it still feels great to be aroused, erect, and able to perform normally in the bedroom. And, I also noticed that my refractory period was shorter than I ever remember it being. I was erect again in less than 10 minutes compared to hours when I masturbated to porn once or twice per day. I think all of these effects clearly show the benefits for those of you with serious ED problems. Following the sexual encounter, I stayed on my toes to avoid a relapse due to the chaser effect after orgasm.

Rather than that, I've just been depressed the past two days. I have no idea why or if it's even related to any of this. I have no motivation to do anything I normally like and keep asking myself what the point of everything is. My confidence is also at rock-bottom. The sexual encounter seems to have started the negative thoughts. I feel like I'm still empty inside. While I'm making sexual performance improvements and doing better at resisting porn and masturbation, I'm still just having sex with girls who I feel no connection with for the thrill of it. It's like I just transferred the porn mindset to reality. I hope I figure this out as I spend more time away from porn.

Thanks for sharing all this

Weird moods are a very normal part of recovery for many people. Some people feel anxious, others feel depressed. Others have ZERO libido for weeks. Remember, dopamine is related to a lot of very different symptoms. That's what makes it so hard for people to connect their various symptoms with porn.

Your brain is obviously doing its best to bounce back to normal. And doing quite well, considering you keep orgasming. Wink Be patient. And be as consistent as you can. Give the process more time.

Meanwhile, do your best to regulate your mood using some of the other tools on YBOP. Life has ups and downs, so knowing what to do when you hit the lows is really useful. http://yourbrainonporn.com/solo-tools This is your chance to experiment. Let us know which things you find most effective. Or if you have another suggestion, share it. Smile

A real relationship will happen. No need to be pessimistic. Fact is, you may not be stable enough for one yet anyway, so trust the timing.

*big hug*

Thanks. The least I can do

Thanks. The least I can do is contribute back to the community by sharing my personal experience.

The depression has improved and I've bounced out of the negative state-of-mind. I think it's somewhat related to alcohol since I've been binge drinking lately on the weekends. I never drink on my own, but I tend to abuse alcohol in social situations since I surround myself by heavy drinkers and the party-hard types. This always seems to lead to an extended hangover where my mood and confidence are at sub-par levels for nearly a week following a night of heavy drinking.

Unfortunately, I've come to realize that I do all the wrong things when I feel down. I binged with porn/masturbation. I binged on junk food. I went binge drinking for a night. But, strenuous exercise and meaningless conversations with others help my mood.

The porn hasn't really been calling my name. I have been tempted to masturbate lately. I've been trying to limit orgasms to sex only, if at all. But, sometimes it just seems like it would be so much easier to masturbate. I don't really have a personal problem with masturbation unless it has a negative effect on my sex life (which it did when I masturbated to porn daily). In some cases (girlfriend/wife out of town, etc.), I don't think masturbation without porn/fantasy will be a problem. But, for me personally at this stage, I think it's too risky.

Good point. I also find that

Good point. I also find that there are some things that are just too risky to do in early recovery. For me, they would be smoking and bingeing on junk food. The lows will take us where we want to go. I see that now.

Hang in there. We are all here for you during those depressed days. I have many myself, though they are often unrelated to the PMO. Anyway, I know for me it is nice to know others are suffering (sounds awful, but if there are others suffering, we should know them, right?).

Haha, definitely. Misery

Haha, definitely. Misery loves company.

I did end up masturbating tonight. I've been concerned about premature ejaculation lately (for the first time in my life), so I wanted to experiment with methods to delay ejaculation. I'm probably trying to address too many problems at once, but I've been having sex with some really attractive girls lately who I hate to disappoint. When I had delayed ejaculation due to PMO addiction, girls were typically impressed since they were able to reach orgasm first and became hooked on me for sexual reasons.

But, I noticed tonight that I still fantasize about porn during masturbation which results in more confusion. I find myself imagining deviant sexual acts for arousal.

I do need to stop the binge eating. I never paid much attention to it before until I found a few articles on here about it. I had no clue that it was wired to the same reward circuitry as PMO.

It's really hard

to unhook orgasm from whatever brain loops you've associated with getting there. If people knew this, they might be a lot more careful about what they get off to, eh? Wink Anyway, that's why a time-out from orgasm can be really helpful. Gives those circuits time to fade, and normal stimuli then do the trick again.

BTW, if you want techniques for controlling orgasm forcefully, you may want to read a book on Daoist lovemaking. Not recommended as a long-term solution...but fun to experiment with while you're in your Super Stud phase. Smile One book with lots of techniques it this one: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/mantak_chia_taoist_secrets_of_love

Haha, yes. In retrospect,

Haha, yes. In retrospect, it would've been much easier to just avoid the porn completely. Based on the commonly reported personality quirks of porn addicts, it would be interesting to see how much differently my teen years would have been without porn. On a positive note, maybe sitting in front of a computer masturbating helped me avoid impregnating a girl in high school which would have prevented me from going to college, etc. Lol.

I'm at the 3 week mark now with no porn. My mood has been positive this week. I did masturbate tonight to orgasm for the first time since having sex 9 days ago. It's partially because I'm concerned about premature ejaculation if I do have sex and partially because I become too horny which I seem to noticeably project. I've been on a few dates in the past week and I can't keep my hands off of the girl or get sex off of my mind for long enough to hold an innocent conversation. I don't know if it's because I'm sexually attracted to the girl or if I just see her as a way to provide me with the dopamine hit I'm craving.

My sexual thoughts seem to be more on the normal side now. I noticed a very similar effect on the previous attempt at the 3 to 4 week mark. I did fantasize during masturbation, but it was just about normal girls who I see in my daily life.

I'll check out that book in the future. I need to find an approach since the lack of porn and infrequent masturbation has completely revitalized my arousal level during sex.

Congratulations, Tim!

I have a confession. When you first arrived, I really wondered how you'd get on. It seemed like your peers were such a strong influence in your life, and that their lifestyle was so opposed to what you were trying to do here, that I kinda figured you'd blink off the screen pretty quickly...and maybe come back some time in the future.

Instead, you have been transforming amazingly quickly. Your thinking is clear, you're confident, your sense of humor is healthy, you can correct your course when necessary, you're connecting socially in wholesome ways, you're experimenting with what works with your body in a sensible way. In short...you're hot stuff.

I'm proud of all you guys who take on this challenge. But I'm always especially happy when someone vastly exceeds my expectations.

That said...watch out for that chaser effect. Wink

*big hug*

Ha, I'm glad I've been able

Ha, I'm glad I've been able to stick around for this amount of time.

The chaser effect following masturbation did hit me me hard and the past week has been miserable. The day after masturbating, I felt a strong urge to view porn. I knew I had to avoid porn, but I ended up browsing CraigsList personals and dating sites for women to hook up with. For some reason, I didn't realize how bad of an idea this was. I started out a while back on dating sites with a genuine interest in finding something long-term, but since many are on these for casual encounters, I became hooked on the easy sex and it escalated from there.

Since actual women are rare on CraigsList, I started viewing the trans ads and it completely renewed my interest in transexuals despite not thinking much about them recently. I managed to get off of the site, but still masturbated. Yet, this time the fantasies were trans related. A few days later, I still had the desire to look at porn and ended up hooking up with a trans off of CraigsList. The trans was feminine and I ended up feeling aroused from the experience. The reality of it didn't hit me until the following day. I once again feel a huge amount of confusion over my sexuality. The thought of progressing further to the point of where I'm having sex with men disgusts me. It's difficult to even be around my close friends or go out in public with this thought in my head.

It's amazing how much of a difference one week makes. I felt level-headed, confident, and positive last week. My only concern was something as trivial as premature ejaculation with a girl. Now, I'm once again questioning my sexuality and feeling urges to view porn or hook up with random people off of CraigsList. I don't know if the sexual addiction is causing these urges or if it's repressed homosexuality that I can't seem to accept. Should I experiment or is this just going to confuse me further? Homosexuality has never seemed natural to me. As much as I try to be open-minded, it still feels instinctively awkward to be around a gay male, be checked out by a man, or see two men together.

The masturbation needs to stop. This leads to problems every time. It just seems like long-term success stories with this addiction are limited. If I become monogamous with a woman in the future, am I going to have to fight off the chaser effect every time after we have sex?

Those are good questions

and all any of us can do is guess.

I think, however, you're answering one question for yourself. Whatever stimuli or anxiety-producing (i.e., dopamine releasing...cause it's released with fear, too) activities or cues you link with the reward of orgasm make your attraction stronger. So experimenting is likely to increase your confusion. I say this because you are actually quite clear about your orientation, until you get into the desensitization cycle. Then everything gets confusing.

Experiment with avoiding all of it for a while and see what you notice. We've seen this back-and-forth before, but the clearer you get about how it works, the less confusion you'll have, even if you relapse.

As for sex and chaser-effects in the future....that depends. Will you get yourself all the way back to balance? If so, the effects will probably be mild and manageable. Will you try karezza? Wink

*big hug*

I really appreciate the

I really appreciate the quick response. It alone has brought me out of the nervous state I was in this whole weekend and has made things a bit more clear in my mind.

I honestly never considered karezza previously since it's a bit far out and difficult to accept by someone who is accustomed to orgasm-derived pleasure. It's definitely an idea I need to become more open-minded about. I've read part of your article about the same desensitization occurring during relationships and that orgasm alone is not enough to keep a couple together.

All of us Karezza folks

Got here after being used to Orgasm driven/focused pleasure. I can tell you it's way easier than the white knuckle ride you experience overcoming pmo addiction.

Karezza just requires a willingness to try, and possibly a short break from intercourse, while practicing daily intimate bonding activities as much as yould like.

Quizure

Goddesses like inspiring men to conquer dragons.
-Marnia

I'm approaching the 5 week

I'm approaching the 5 week mark without porn which surpasses my previous record. The temptation to look at porn has been mild, but I'm still staying on my toes to prevent a negligent relapse. I haven't abstained completely from masturbation, but have limited it to once per week max.

I've been going on quite a few dates lately. The lack of porn and masturbation has increased my sex drive tremendously and has caused me to become too sexually aggressive. I've ruined quite a few dates by being too forward and causing the girl to think I only want sex...which is honestly the only thing on my mind when around girls now. When I was dependent on porn, I was much more calm and came across smoother since I knew I could depend on the porn to relieve my sexual tension.

Overall, I'm feeling good. I'm doing much better than last week.

Glad you're feeling better.

Yes, likeanidiot talked about that problem of learning to control your impulses. He said he blew a few opportunities at first, too, due to raging hormones. But as you come into balance, it gets easier to manage and still "be cool." You've probably read his account. There's a link to his blog here at the bottom of this synopsis. http://yourbrainonporn.com/synopsis-of-entire-reboot-with-mood-chart

Haha, yes, exactly what I'm

Haha, yes, exactly what I'm talking about. I was doing this yesterday with a girl I met 10 minutes ago. Thanks for the link:

"Yeah, I blew some opportunities through desperation because I wasn't used to having that much desire. I almost couldn't stop myself trying to kiss girls I was talking to, but you learn to control, and be grateful for, the extra drive.

In summary - your life changes because you are inspired to meet more girls, PLUS your brain adapts to the lower frequency of sexual activity after a while, PLUS you modify your social behavior to take into account the stronger sexual desire you are feeling, so you still come across as cool. It's a process, i.e., it takes time, but trust me, TOTALLY worth it."

Today marks 6 weeks without

Today marks 6 weeks without porn. I haven't felt compelled to look at it, but the desire is still there.

My confidence level has been up and down. I went out with a girl recently for drinks and we both ended up getting drunk. I had sex with her and I was unable to orgasm which put me in a negative state once again. I know it's most likely due to the large amount of alcohol numbing the experience, but it still bothered me for some reason. I started wondering if I would've been more turned on if she was a trans and ended up masturbating to the thought of that which once again made me concerned and confused.

Aside from the inebriated experience, I'm still seeing a lot of progress as far as arousal goes around females. Just kissing or light groping is enough for me to release precum which is kind of awkward at times. I also get spontaneous erections throughout the day.

I hope to keep the streak alive and also reduce masturbation.

Not to be nosy,

but how often would you say you are masturbating?

We're trying to figure out the best advice we can give guys who show up with ED and other performance issues. It seems like the guys who make the most progress with the least angst cut out PMO for a while. Occasional O with a partner seems the least bothersome of the three during the reboot, but can definitely kick in a "chaser effect" for some. Frequent M seems to slow things more. And P is probably the least helpful of all.

So what do you think? Has masturbating been slowing your progress? Are you fantasizing to porn? Have you tried different frequencies of masturbation?

Sorry if you feel like a lab rat, but this is our chance to learn what helps and hurts. Smile

I have been masturbating

I have been masturbating twice a week on average. I try to limit fantasies to actual sexual experiences I've had but other thoughts creep in. I also find myself looking at semi-sexual pictures on Facebook or other non-porn sites to become aroused. So, I try to avoid the computer entirely if I decide to give in to masturbation. I also completely avoid any kind of specific, tight masturbation grip and I masturbate with a condom to mimic typical sexual encounters. While I enjoy sex more now and I'm more aroused since I don't look at porn, I think the ability to stay erect and reach orgasm is more so due to a drastic change in masturbation habit.

I think you'll get a kick out of this comic:

http://i.imgur.com/X4lOQ.png

But, masturbation is definitely not helpful and contributes nothing to recovery. I agree with your ranking order, too. I originally intended to only have sex to reach orgasm since it's definitely the lesser of the evils, but it was becoming a time-consuming hassle since I'm single. I know of girls who are willing to have sex, but it always turned into a 3-4 hour ordeal in the evening when I had other things to do.

Ha ha ha!

Loved the comic. We'll stick it in the YBOP humor section. Smile

Thanks for the info. *busily scribbles notes into pad* What about gradually cutting back on the masturbation? You might be ready now, since you've been at a plateau for a bit.

I relapsed! I started a

I relapsed! I started a blog here and will provide updates here instead:

http://www.reuniting.info/node/6625

It's discouraging to relapse after over 6 weeks of no porn, but I'm looking forward to giving it another shot. The benefits seen on previous attempts (huge arousal from normal sex, firm erections, no delayed ejaculation, excitement around females in everyday life, etc) are motivating me to keep trying.