I wanted to post an update since I know there were a few of you following my progress. My previous thread is here, but I ended up rambling too far off topic:
I found YourBrainonPorn around 6-7 weeks ago. I read many things that sounded familiar and finally came to the conclusion that I had a problem. I started viewing porn when I was 11. I'm 26 now. It started off innocently, but I became hooked and advanced to extreme fetishes (trans porn causing me the most distress since I identify as straight). For over a decade, porn was my sole source of sexual satisfaction. I had no desire to meet women or have actual sex.
When I did begin having sex in my early 20s, driven to do so out of self-embarrassment more than anything, it was disappointing. I had to fantasize about porn to become aroused. I was so accustomed to masturbating with a stiff grip that my penis was numb to the feel of a vagina. I was unable to reach orgasm and I lost my erection easily. Over the next few years, I began to realize that I may need to cut back on masturbation and porn if I wanted to enjoy sex, but I was still in doubt over whether or not it was a problem and never stayed away from it consistently.
When I found YourBrainonPorn, I decided to stop viewing porn. I continued to masturbate until I realized that I could not keep the fetish porn fantasies out of my head during masturbation. I realized that this was impeding recovery, so I stopped masturbating as well after nearly 3 weeks of no porn. A week later, I had sex with a girl and felt more aroused than ever before. My erection was extremely firm and I came very quickly. I felt great. I lasted for another 5 days until I dropped my guard down and figured that masturbating without fantasies shouldn't be a problem. I went through with it and didn't feel too guilty. The next day, I stumbled across a few pictures of women in lingerie. I searched for more and ended up falling into a 5 day porn binge. I probably spent 40 hours viewing porn during those 5 days. I felt horrible throughout, but I could not stop. I even tried putting the modem outside, but I ended up retrieving it and reconnecting it to view more porn. I was completely shocked. Prior to the relapse, I truly thought I was done with porn. It seemed too easy. I even doubted that I had any sort of addiction.
Eventually, I broke out of this binge. The 1st day was incredibly difficult, but it has once again become easier and easier. I'm at two weeks today. I did have sex a few days ago with a girl I never had sex with before. I masturbated beforehand because I was paranoid about premature ejaculation. I had sex with her hours afterwards and still ended up reaching orgasm within 5-6 minutes. While I would like to be able to last longer, it still feels great to be aroused, erect, and able to perform normally in the bedroom. And, I also noticed that my refractory period was shorter than I ever remember it being. I was erect again in less than 10 minutes compared to hours when I masturbated to porn once or twice per day. I think all of these effects clearly show the benefits for those of you with serious ED problems. Following the sexual encounter, I stayed on my toes to avoid a relapse due to the chaser effect after orgasm.
Rather than that, I've just been depressed the past two days. I have no idea why or if it's even related to any of this. I have no motivation to do anything I normally like and keep asking myself what the point of everything is. My confidence is also at rock-bottom. The sexual encounter seems to have started the negative thoughts. I feel like I'm still empty inside. While I'm making sexual performance improvements and doing better at resisting porn and masturbation, I'm still just having sex with girls who I feel no connection with for the thrill of it. It's like I just transferred the porn mindset to reality. I hope I figure this out as I spend more time away from porn.