I'm just writing a diary of my attempt of recovery, to keep me busy. But I think that, from now on, I'm going to wait more between the posts.
I'll just repeat this piece of information - my biggest problems are:
. the inability to having erections without using my or my girlfriend's hands;
. the fact that I think a lot more about some crap I have in my brain, wired to my sexual desire, than about having real sex with the girl I love.
Since 28 Jan 2011, I've masturbated to porn in a once every two weeks basis. Before that day, I used to watch it more than once a day, for hours even. After that day, in which I started dating my girlfriend, masturbation was my biggest desire. With or without porn, I would do it almost every day. It was affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, so I'm treating this like an addiction to be more willing to stop.
In the last 5 days, my biggest struggle was that I've been fantasizing about myself masturbating. Not just craving masturbation, it's bigger than that.
Yesterday was, by far, the worst day of my life as to struggling with stupid inner desires. I ended up inserting a finger in my own anus, with some inadequate lubricant. I had never done before. And it was just to keep my hands away from my penis or whatever. At least I didn't orgasm. But, that way, I found out that my masturbation is related to stress releasing. I was veeery stressed, so I had to stimulate myself any way I could. I couldn't stop it. It's just as compulsive people who scratch themselves till bleeding.
Fortunately, I think that was the last straw. Today, I'm feeling a lot more relaxed. My rational brain will not allow me to continue struggling. It will help me to accept "no masturbation is normal". I need that. And I think my primitive brain is realizing it to.
Improvements: I've been having A LOT of spontaneous erections.
Anyway, to prevent myself from overthinking about this, I will only return to this forum in 26th May.
Feel free to answer, as any comment will be helpful, and I thank you in advance for that.