I need some help!

Submitted by Yuri7752 on
Printer-friendly version

I am twenty-one years old, and because of my porn addiction I am already starting to experience ED. It feels awful. I have been a heavy user since I was eleven years old. There were some signs, even in my masturbatory routines, that I was beginning to experience ED problems but I did not pay any attention to it. The real eye-opener was last week. My new girlfriend and I were fooling around for the first time. She tried to stimulate me, but I could not get hard. I have never been so embarrassed or humiliated in my life. Fortunately, she was very sympathetic and said not to worry about it. Still, I was deeply concerned. I am twenty-one years old and otherwise in excellent health. I should NOT be experiencing any ED incidents. So, I began to desperately search for answers. I found the site "yourbrainonporn.com" and it seemed to exactly describe my condition. Far too many of the stories sounded familiar for it to be a coincidence. Since then I have been absorbing all of the information I can on the subject. I desperately want to fix this. I want to be able to have a real, satisfying relationship with my girlfriend. She means the world to me. The last several days, ever since I discovered my issue, I have not masturbated or looked at porn. I plan to continue this permanently. There are a few questions that I have, however. 1.) While I am trying to "reboot" my brain is it still okay for me to have sex and fool around with my girlfriend (if I am able) or is that counterproductive? I am kind of under the impression that it might be okay since it is real stimulation with a real girl and is not something that will reinforce my brain's desensitization. However, I am no neurologist and I am not entirely sure that this would not contribute to further desensitization. 2.) Is there anything else I can do to aid in the recovery process? Are there any special diet or exercise considerations that might assist in the process? I have heard of an all natural herb called Tankgot Ali that is supposed to help enhance libido, but I am not sure if it will help, hurt, or not affect anything. If it does work, is it possible to use something like this to assist with enhancing libido temporarily in order to engage in occasional "real" sexual encounters or is this again counterproductive?

Hi Yuri

I'm your hostess, and Gary's wife. (He runs the "Your Brain On Porn" site.)

Those are good questions. Affectionate contact with your sweetheart can be very helpful, but trying to have sex too soon is not. Could you tell her you want to keep some clothes on for a while? Maybe tell her you've been reading about the power of bonding behaviors and want to go slowly so you built a solid relationship. See "The Lazy Way to Stay in Love" http://yourbrainonporn.com/the-lazy-way-to-stay-in-love

Or, better yet, tell her the truth and let her read some of the rebooting accounts here, so she knows that the wait will be worthwhile. Winkhttp://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts The other advantage to telling the truth is that she will realize that you do find her attractive, and that you are inspired enough by her to make a big change in your habits.

We know nothing about experience with "Tankgot Ali" so you're on your own there. If you try it, let us know what you think. In general, sexual enhancement drugs don't help much, as the real problem is in the brain.

Other supplements are discussed here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/libido-enhancing-supplements.

However, so far there don't seem to be any shortcuts. It's mostly time and avoiding intense stimulation that allow the brain to bounce back to normal. And your libido may well drop for weeks before it comes roaring back. Just be glad the damage isn't permanent.

Start a blog if you like.

Thanks for the advice! I am

Thanks for the advice! I am still doing a lot of research so I will be able to do everything that I can to recover from this. I never realized the damage that this could cause. It makes me shudder just to think about it. Now that I know what I have done to myself, I am completely committed to making this better. I started a blog and made my first entry yesterday. All of the support on here is amazing. It feels good to know that I am not alone and that there are other people out there that have recovered from this same problem. Thank you so much for making this site and working to get the information out there. Please extend my thanks to your husband for his work on the "Your Brain on Porn" site. The information that I have learned between the two may just have saved my life.

If anything, I would suggest

If anything, I would suggest a tonifying herb like ginseng rather than a specific libido-enhancing drug (libido increase is one effect of ginseng, but not the main one). Your libido will return in time, you need to let it go through its natural process. Ginseng is good to help strengthen and re-vitalize the energies in your pelvic basin to re-tonify where you are depleted. Just a little bit, for a couple weeks at a time, then a week or so off, repeat. Don't take so much that you really feel an immediate effect, it should be a long-term strategy. Patience in this matter is key!

sometimes it's necessary

This story is very similar to me. My first opportunity for sex was at age 17, and just nothing happened and I suspsected my habitual masturbation could be the problem among other things.

Let me be very clear. I'm not recommending Viagra as a long term solution, but this type of event is such a huge trauma, I would recommend Viagra or something like it just for your first time. I took it for my first time because the performance anxiety was just too much to handle, and then I was good without it for a while.