Ever since I can remember, my emotions have been extreme. I'm like a vulcan; if I didn't suppress my emotions, I'd be killing, raping, pillaging, etc.. Fortunately, my brain has gotten used to it and I just suppress them automatically. Unfortunately, anytime I fall in love, there's no...what do you call it? Well, basically I just fall head over heels...off a cliff into a pool of lava.
My desire for her becomes like a hydrogen fire while at the same time my affection for her becomes sweeter than any candy or fruit. It really turns girls off. To make it worse, I'm in a religion where you're supposed to wait until marriage to do it. But it seems almost mandatory in modern dating. The stress of suppressing all this emotion has literally driven me insane.
Fortunately, I've found a woman who, strangely enough, doesn't trigger my emotions the way others have done, but I'm still attracted to her. I just don't know what to do. The only place we've ever met is at the bus stop and on the bus, when she plays games on her iPod with her earpieces in. Her voice is very quiet and she's busy most of the time. She doesn't seem particularly interested, and yet she seems like she isn't as innocent as she acts.
My brain just isn't hardwired for social interaction. She's also older than me, I'm guessing about 30, whereas I'm 18. This is a switch for me, since I usually go for the younger girls. However, she's abnormally cute for her age. I wonder if it's even possible with such an age gap. Does she think I'm as cute as I think she is, but in sort of a naive elementary-schoolgirl-crushing-on-the-teacher kind of way?