I'm at Day 40 with no PMO and would like to report on some things for those of you on Day 3 or 13 or wherever you may be.
I've probably never gone this long without M. I started M when I was 3. Didn't add the porn in till 35 or so. I'm now 37.
Anyway, for me the flatline thing went for about 20 days, then there was a super-intense urge to O. I would feel drunk on horniness, but wouldn't have an erection. Some days, if I wore silk boxers and drove on a bumpy road, I would feel like I might have an O while driving, even though I didn't have an erection at all. Just these waves of warm, erectionless horniness.
Just observing, it seems to me that these washes of total horniness without an erection are some kind of left over process from watching porn. When I first watched it, I felt like I was going to have an O without an erection. That's how powerful of an effect the porn had on me. I think my brain probably just dumped an overdose of dopamine and yeah it certainly feels great.
So for people who have watched porn for years, I'm guessing the tolerance is way up there, and they don't feel this wash anymore, but they still need the porn-level stimulation just to function, like a junkie who needs drugs just to feel like they are at their own baseline.
So anyway, after will-powering through a few days of intense desire for an O, I went into a sort of a flatline again, for a few weeks.
There is something ok about this. Actually, now I have to say I think it's a good idea to be ok with the flatline. Here is why. We have been obsessed with sexual imagery. Not just imagery, but forms of stimulation which don't exist in real life. In porn the camera moves around, one scene cuts to the next, magical orgies, etc.
And the flatline comes because we are getting re-acclimated with real life. In real life we get aroused because we are sitting next our lady at the movie theater and she is saying intelligent things and playing with her hair, or because she keeps taking sips of cranberry juice and fluttering her eyelashes, or we are just thinking about making out with our girl on the couch.
So, we need the flatline to get from artificial dopamine overdose levels back to being able to get aroused by the real world.
And over the past few days I have been. I've noticed all through this process there have been fairly regular erections in the morning, though generally they are on the weak side and only last a few seconds after I wake up. But these past five days or so, I've been waking up with fairly normal fantasies in my head and the erections have lasted for quite some time.
They've also started happening at random times, while driving and not thinking about anything
Two days ago I signed up for a dating site and some women have contacted me, and one of them seems really smart and cool and sent me her picture and just this picture of this woman sitting at her desk gave me an erection. She is smart and beautiful to me. This is how it is supposed to work.
Now, I AM a little worried that I am getting aroused while I am on my laptop looking at a picture, and so I am thinking maybe I will have to decide if I'm going to be ok with a dating site, or if maybe I should suspend my profile and wait another forty days. In any case, I definitely feel like things are going in the right direction.
I am going dancing with a lady acquaintance next week. I'm going to try to get out and just talk to people a bit more.
Another thing I'll mention is I find women seem just a little more friendly to me now. Beautiful women who would never even make eye contact with me are now smiling at me, sometimes nodding. When I talk to women, I don't feel like quite such a freak. I bet not M-ing for 40 days changes something about your personality you could never change directly, and which you may not even be able to perceive.
One last thing for now. Another reason to be ok with the flatline. Porn has planted these strange norms in our minds. Like every encounter has to be a explosion of sexuality, and I think maybe it makes us afraid to fall short.
But remember, an erection isn't the center of the universe. You can have a wonderful night just going out for ice cream and then making out and giving your lady such a relaxing massage that she falls asleep on your chest because she feels safe and loves you and you just lay in there in the dark looking at her, grateful for her, wondering how you ever got so lucky--for two or three hours, and then you fall asleep, happy.
Think about this during your flatline. THIS IS OK.