noob's story and questions (day 9)

Submitted by misterbossman on
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Hello, this is my first post and I would like to say that is community is very helpful in that I am hearing some of the same problems I have for first time by other people, and just knowing that I’m not alone makes a drastic difference. I got exposed to hardcore porn at an early age, I must have been like 11 or 12 it was while I was staying at my uncles house I watched one of his videos, not going into explicit detail it was pretty hardcore stuff. I remember the high I got from seeing that, it’s all I could think about the rest of my vacation, I remember it had an instant effect on me and changed my behavior. I went through a phase where I experimented with drugs and let me tell you that the high I got from porn was no different than that of cocaine except cocaine was weaker. Its funny but ive never been addicted to drugs but know a lot of drug addicts and most all of then have obsessions with internet porn, which makes you think. I tried to stop looking at porn when I started inbetween the ages of 11-14 but could never successfully do it. I didn’t have sex in high school even though I had opportunities, on two occasions girls flat out told they would have sex with me if I asked but I wasn’t attracted to real girls, mostly because I knew they would do the things I really wanted to do. It depresses me to think of all the girls I could have had and how I didn’t have to be so lonely all my life. After high school people started worring about me, wondering why I didn’t go out with girls and why I was such a loner. Eventually I gave into the pressure and took a girl from work home with me, we made out I took her clothes off and….nothing, I could perform. I was perplexed, its funny I immediately knew I had to stop watching porn instinctually without ever reading a word to confirm this. That same year I can across an article on psychology today that confirmed everything that I had been suspecting and then committed myself to stop. Surprisingly it wasn’t that hard I abstained for almost a month and then I relapsed and started again which spiraled into a binge. I guess I didn’t want to stop after all it was one of the only enjoyable things in my life, after that I just stopped believing it was a problem, I told myself that masturbation was normal human behavior and that people who have a lot of sex don’t seem to be withdrawn and depressed. That was last year.
Ive been free of pmo for 9 days now and know that if I want to be a healthy happy person with a good relationship I need to make drastic lifestyle changes. I worry about how long its going to take to recover back to normal If i ever do. Im 23 and have been viewing hardcore porn daily for the past 10 years, how am I ever going to erase all those hours of images from my brain? I wonder if something wrong with me, I swear I know people with worse pmo problems who can get an erection and perform, so why cant I? One concern about this website is that I been seeing people who say you shouldnt have sex with a partner? I have no desire to do that whatsoever, why would you avoid orgasm with a partner? Why is it bad to have normal sex with someone you care about and dont want to exploit? I can believe most of the stuff on this website but I cant understand that last part at all, I dosesnt make sense to me or seem logical or even healthy. Someone please explain this to me, thanks.

Welcome

Good luck with your reboot.

Not sure what you're asking. If your question is "Why avoid orgasm with a partner during your reboot?" The answer is that, at first, for some people, the intense neurochemical joyride of orgasm can kick in a neurochemical aftermath that throws them into a binge. So they make more progress if they avoid PMO. See http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-you-need-a-chaser-after-sex

If you mean why would someone want to learn karezza (a gentle form of lovemaking that calls for frequent intercourse, but infrequent orgasm), then you'd have to read up on the practice and people's experiences. For thousands of years, in various cultures, people have reported benefits from this type of practice. You don't fight yourself; you make love in a slower, more affectionate way. I understand your reaction. I think it's based on a strong cultural/biological prejudice (which I shared, before I began experimenting with the alternative Smile ). As far as we know, no researchers have compared the benefits of karezza to frequent orgasmic sex. If you want to know more, I'm happy to suggest some links.

Start a blog if you like.