I started karezza with my gf on Tuesday and got completely blown away by the whole experience: the intimacy, the feeling, the lack of the hangover, and the accumlative process. It really is a hidden gem in relationship bonding. The only downside so far? Yes, u guessed it ...Blue balls!!! I've gone from having sex with my gf 3/4 times a day to not ejaculating, and I think they're suffering. Running cold water on them and visualizing energy being drained upwards does help a bit. Some other concerns are: 1. Is this normal for most guys starting off and does it eventually disappear? 2. Do a lot of guys give up on the karezza practice due to the discomfort? 3. Does this happen every time u practice karezza? I hope it's only temporary as me and my gf really enjoy this lovely bonding!!
(Darryl) I would wait until any sensation of blue balls is gone before engaging with karezza. It's pretty rare that it ever goes into the next day. I haven't had it happen to me for quite a long time. My wife and I have been practicing non-orgasmic sex for about 13 years. It's great to hear that you and your girlfriend are having a positive experience, except for the blue balls. I think you will find that it will pass as your body reorients itself to this new way of engaging sexually.
You mentioned you have tried cold water and breathing the energy up with some success. Here are a couple of other tips: One, if you find yourself getting close to the edge while practicing karezza, cool it down a bit. Enough to keep your erection but not so much that you get heated up. Stay in the middle zone. Two, penetrate your girlfriend from your "root" in a relaxed way.
Let me explain. There is a tendency, especially in the beginning of non-orgasmic lovemaking, to clench the muscle between your anus and penis when practicing karezza since you don't want to go over the edge into an orgasm. If you tend to squeeze a lot this can cause the blue balls effect. This is when I have experienced it. If you keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed most of the time, the energy doesn't seem to build up, at least that's what I experience. Staying in deep and not getting too heated is what I do to keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed. The longer we go in a single session the easier it gets to stay fully relaxed.
[The next day] Thinking about your blue balls dilemma, I carefully paid attention to what I do when engaging with my wife. What struck me was how the penis is a sending instrument designed to obviously send semen into the woman. Even if you don't orgasm and send the physical substance a penis is still built to be a sending tool so you need to send something when engaging sexually. What I observe I do is send energy. This may sound a little airy fairy but I think if you pay attention the feeling of sending will come to you. What I do is send this energy at the bottom of every stroke.
It goes like this: When I move outward I squeeze that PC muscle I talked about, a little bit, and often not at all. The farther I withdraw, which is rarely all that much, the more I tend to gently squeeze, never hard though, always pretty lightly. If you're really squeezing then you're to close to the edge and need to slow it down. On the way back in I relax at some point before I'm in all the way. When I'm at maximum penetration I totally relax, send the energy, and pause there. Sometimes only for a few seconds, sometimes for minutes.
I think if you pay attention you will notice this natural "sending" energy when you are fully penetrated, relaxed, and at rest, even if the rest is only momentary. If you "send" at the bottom of every stroke you'll siphon off the energy that can build up and lead to blue balls. Think about it, in regular sex you build it up and up until the energy has to go somewhere and you send all that built-up energy out in the form of semen. Where's it going to go if you don't ejaculate it out? If you send it into your woman energetically at every stroke you shouldn't get the blue balls build-up. If the two of you are tuned into each other she should like the receiving sensation of the sending energy you give her. This sending and receiving flow between lovers is what karezza is all about, very, very sweet.
Also, you said you were going for an hour or two. That's a lot of energy that has to go somewhere. With karezza you are taking a process that is normally physical, and transmuting it into something energetic, energy based. It takes a while for the body to get the hang of it, especially with the length of time you two go at it. If blue balls continue you may want to go for shorter lenghts of time and build up slowly. Don't get me wrong, I think its great to go for a long time. We do this ourselves. You just may want to start with less as your body learns.
I usually don't have the urge to "send" the energy right away. It takes a bit before I start to have the "sending" feeling. The longer we go the more I get into a sending flow. Once we're really in the feeling and flow, there's almost never any squeezing at all, my genitals and pelvic floor are completely relaxed. One of the interesting things I've noticed is that my penis stays much more erect when I'm completely relaxed then when I'm clenching or squeezing. It's like my penis has a direction of its own when I let go. I just sit back and enjoy the ride.
One other thing, about the cold water technique, I'd do it as soon as you get out of bed. Really rinse down your entire crotch area, not just your testicles. A shower head that is removable is really good for this. Wish you the best. You will get the hang of it. Practicing karezza with a partner is one of the most deeply satisfying experiences I have in life. It's well worth the learning curve. You must be a fairly young fellow to be having sex and orgasming 3 to 4 times a day with your girlfriend. At 56 myself, I can say that karezza is definitely the way to go; keeps my energy right up there. At least I feel like a young buck.
· One other little side effect I have been having that I wanted to mention and see if anybody has been familiar with… I've been having this other sensation that my balls are full. I'm just a lot more aware of them and this "full" sensation. I don't think they are truly fuller, but I'm just very aware of this weird feeling down there.
· Full balls?, that's common. You're stimulating and vibrating a lot of sexual energy and it gets the genitals worked up. You'll get the hang of that over time as well. A couple of suggestions, after karezza when you have that full feeling, sit on the edge of a chair with your back straight, take deep in breaths and pull the energy up the spine and out of your balls. Five minutes should make a difference. Also, run cold water over your genitals, this helps as well.
· My suggestion when you are lovemaking is to really use your breath. Focus on your breathing, nice full deep breaths, especially when things start to ramp up. There are a number of benifits. First it keeps your heart rate down. Second, it helps draw and circulate the energy out of your genitals. Doing this during lovemaking will help with the "full balls" feeling afterwards and minimize the chance of "blue ball". Third, your breath is a place to put your focus which helps you from being drawn into orgasming. Keeps you soft, (I dont mean penis wise) and relaxed. Think of the breath focus as karezza training wheels.
· (From the book): The Comfort Technique (for use after sex without ejaculation): After sex, go to a bathroom and lean over a sink and pour cold water of the penis and testicles for a minute or two. “This removed any sensitivity, frustration and congestion in the sexual region, helping the retained semen to be [p. 54] reabsorbed by the body and lymph. This made a man feel perfectly normal and great afterward, just as if he had no sex at all, but with all the benefits retained. …
- Additional practical tips for blue ball sufferers: Help for blue balls