♥new to all this, maybe it has something to do with why i cant break up with my partner?

Submitted by awakening_journey on
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I just came across this website after these few days I had of overpowering sexual energy and desire, resulting in lots of orgasms... I thought "this is crazy, I can't keep doing this! there's gotta be something better I can do with this energy !" and googled "transforming sexual energy into spiritual energy" and ended up here. I have ordered the book and am looking forward to reading it. I have also loved reading everyone's experiences and would like to say thank you for your honesty.

I realised that I can't remember the first time I had an orgasm as a child but remember masturbating from a very young age (around 7) and now I think of it, don't know if I have gone more than two weeks since then! (i'm 25 now) (Day 2 now of my new awareness! lol )
I haven't really been into internet porn but have noticed in the last few months I have been looking for movies at the movie shop with high level sex scenes and watching them more frequently, and have noticed my impulse to watch them become more frequent

Also I have been with my partner for about 4 years, we have a child together, and I have been trying to break up with him for a few months, because it's never really been what I wanted. But the times I finally listen to my unhappiness and call it quits, I find myself back in bed soon after with him which rekindles the ties that I now have to break again. We have always had a passionate and frequent sexual relationship.
Maybe its my addiction to the orgasms that is stopping me from moving forward?
We live in separate houses but I'm moving back in with him soon for 4 weeks before I move to a different town, so that will be a good challenge! I'm hoping to use it to create a friendship that involves affectionate touch, but where I can stay strong and create clear boundaries based on my needs for happiness .

I noticed that the urge is strongest for me when I'm at home alone, I think this probably started from when I was a child and taking any opportunity of having my own space. I've got lots of things to distract me (this site is a great one!) plus I have plenty of great books to read, packing up to do, and running shoes if it all gets too much!

I don't think I want to never have an orgasm again (even if my willpower allowed it haha) but I definitely want to abstain to see what happens, and to see how long it takes to get to this state of balance and feeling great that everyone talks about. Sounds pretty great to me !!

And the ida of a karezza based relationship, even from the little I've read so far, sounds pretty wonderful.

love 2 all

Welcome

I marked your post with a ♥ because I *think* it's more karezza related than recovery related.

So you think you might be hooked on your relationships because you're hooked on the orgasms? It might be worth giving karezza a try before giving up on your relationship. You might like Diana Richardson's work, too. http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson

Please start your own blog if you like. Instructions: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

thanks Yeah, its hard

thanks :)

Yeah, its hard because although on one level I think he would be interested in / open to the karezza, the other problem is that he gets stoned everyday and has started drinking every day too. and i don't like even talking to him when he is smashed let alone connecting intimately..

Although I did read the bit about how after stopping the orgasms that other additions can often fall away...

After I get and read the book, Im going to ask him to read it too (or maybe read some out to him...he's not that into reading) and see his reaction...

I just don't know if the relationship is ever gonna work.. I think its a bit of a sign when I feel more supported and happy on my own than with him.

Whether its with him or another, I can't wait to begin the karezza journey .. I will start on my own though... and I think, imagine if I meet someone who already is into it ! now that would be cool :) :) :)

From your description, it

From your description, it sounds like he is facing some escalating addiction issues.

I would give yourself a time frame, maybe three months, to work on yourself and introduce karezza. If he doesn't display any real interest in growing and becomming better, than after that time you should seriously reevaluate whether your energies are best directed in maintaining a relationship with someone potentially on the fast downhill spiral. A vast number of addictive persons require hitting 'bottom' before they face how out of control their life has become. If you are a steadying influence, he may never hit bottom.

You child is much better off with an aware, actively engaged single parent than two parents who are dancing to the tune of active addiction.

My two cents, having spent too many years up close and personal with someone else's addictions.

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.

thanks tara - when you said

thanks tara - when you said that me being a steadying influence may be stopping him from hitting rock bottom that really resonated with me, its kinda how it feels, like I hold his shit together a lot. When we met we had both been through a tragedy in our separate lives, I feel like I have taken the healing road trying different therapies and working consiously on my wellbeing whereas he has been pushing it all away but the anger spills over into everything he does. He is actually going overseas in Nov for I dont know how long, at least a couple of months, and he wont be able to hit it hard over there cos he's on an intensive study exchange program ... so yeah... he might come back a new fella. Or maybe he will sleep around over there and when he comes back I'll be like the stale bread!! LOL.. nah i'll never be stale bread Wink

And imnotcoming, (love your name btw lol) i will def. express my desire to try karezza, (esp once I know more about it)
i know that he will be somewhat open to it, and even if he's not into the specific exercises, I will get lots of cuddles and he also gives lovely massages so I"ll be asking for a lot more of those!

I think I might start a blog to track my journey.. I was gonna just write it all in a journal or something but maybe I would find it more rewarding on here...