- My partner and I, using karezza and daily karezza-like naked snuggling (Power Cuddles), have gone from sex just twice a month, to sex at least every other day. And it doesn't last 10 minutes, it lasts from 1/2 hour, to an hour and 1/2 or more. The *big* change there was making time, in the morning for cuddling/sex/karezza. This made it a daily priority, rather than the last thing as we dragged our tired butts into bed at night. We reserved our most relaxed times for each other this way. And I don't know if it's the (paleo) diet changes, or the karezza, or both, but I've been free from any sort of yeast infection for nearly a year, which is simply amazing. This past weekend, despite a hellish week at work, we were able to 'switch off' the work brain easily, and enjoy the company of our friends. My oldest friend from this group (who's married, and has been married to the same wonderful guy for 30+ years), said that we both looked better and happier than she'd ever seen us. And she's known us, as a couple, for 10+ years. She wanted to know what our secret was! All we could do is look at each other, laugh, and shrug. We didn't know what to say. (She had recently invited me to a 'sex-toy party', which I begged out on, so if I'm going to introduce Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, I'll need to do it in a less public situation.) (Another post) Noticing subtle effects has been an interesting part of this whole experiment, both related the process of 'finding the sweet spot' during karezza, and in general noticing how our feelings react/arise in response to others in our lives. I have been much more aware of the kinds of words I use (positive, negative, loving, selfish, angry, judgmental, etc) when I'm interacting with people, and the negative feelings that can happen abruptly (snappy little limbic brain) - and pausing, just a moment, to let the feeling, be, and pass, if it's not the kind of feeling I want to have right then. This summer has felt very much like a honeymoon, but I don't intend for this one to ever be over. If we are regularly engaging in karezza (every two or three days, with the occasional twice in one day or every day on the weekends) we have found that even though I'm not horny, not needy, not craving orgasm or sex, I am in effect just on "pause" - and what I mean by this is that those delicious warm melting tingly feelings (that make you go mmmm, ahhh, and ohhhh ) that used to take a while to turn on (through kissing, caressing, sex), are now just there waiting, and don't need any time at all to awaken again. My breasts, ears and inner wrists are like 'off pause' buttons. We've especially noticed it with my wrists because it's something you can stroke skin to skin, in public, without anyone taking notice. So it's not like it's just something that's there if we are home alone, or in bed. I can be off pause in a sports bar, with a bunch of TVs blaring the current NFL game with just a few finger tips of a caress. Missing karezza for an extra day or two, or having an orgasm seems to dull it, or turn it off for a while. It's really amazing, but I don't know what to call it. (Later post) I'm still noticing changes in myself, and depths of feeling that I didn't feel earlier on, so I'm not at all worried or in any hurry to get 'someplace'. I'm not sure there is someplace we're going with this. We're coming up on two years of 'experimenting' with Karezza. I say experimenting, since it's not like it's a science, but we can't imagine that we'll go back to regular sex, since we both like this so much better. I just asked him why it was OK with him, that I've been the one to 'guide us' along this path, and he said that the why or how it works didn't matter, making love and living this way makes us both happier, and so that's good enough for him. I would say that it was year before I was sure this was absolutely the right way to live, but other folks noticed that we looked "wonderfully happy together" around the 6 month mark.
- Our lovemaking has become so easy and the only word I can think of to describe it is bliss. Other words for it could be "samadhi" or "satori" or "ananda"~~these are states of presence I've read and learned about that can be achieved during lovemaking when you are able to leave your mind behind. This state of leaving the mind behind is what draws us to sex in the first place; the ability to get out of our minds and just be in our bodies. It is blissful to just *be* with no expectations and nothing but ecstasy. For me, it is no longer such an effort to stay in my body and out of mind, partly because I try to practice this all throughout the day, not just during lovemaking. The more I do it, the longer I am able to stay out of my mind, the easier it becomes. I know I am doing it right when a huge feeling of peace and love comes over my body. What comes over me is pure contentment and a feeling of being in a divine state with my lover. To quote Osho, "In a deep orgasmic state, time disappears, mind disappears, ego disappears. And because these three things disappear, great joy arises. That arising of joy has nothing to do with sex either; it is because sex helped, became a context for the disappearance of the ego, mind and time." Sometimes I have what feels like a hallucination of sorts during lovemaking; I can relax so completely, go to my third eye, and just let waves of love come over me to the point where I can see a white light that spreads a beautiful glow over our bodies and this glow is there whether I have my eyes opened or closed. Everything is so quiet and surreal and I know this will sound strange, but I can feel the presence of *something* in the room with us...there is a feeling of stillness and sacredness and at this time I will usually give a prayer of thanks (and sometimes my eyes will well up with grateful tears). There are other times where we are both giving to each other the most we have available to give...it's an energy exchange of yin and yang and it pulsates and seems to last forever and then it's done. And then we are done because we gave all we had to give. But while this is happening it's like that warm, fuzzy feeling you get before having an orgasm (well, for a woman, I'm not sure what a man feels), but it lasts and lasts and there is no peak and no drop. And then it just stops. And when it stops you feel complete and you are ready to go on about your day or go to sleep. All of this has become like medicine to both of us. Not only do we want it, but we need it. It's essential to our partnership and to our happiness. There isn't much else that holds as much importance in our lives as our time together making love. It's what makes everything else meaningful...we always put our time together first. The joy it brings us spills over into our everyday lives and truly makes life worth living. I feel so blessed to have my lover and to be able to share this bliss with him. I realize this is the first person with whom I've ever truly made love and I just feel so fortunate that I've been able to experience this in my lifetime.
- I find that I'd rather not have a conventional orgasm *because* the feelings I'm having while making love are too good to have them end. And it's so nice for our time together to find its own natural end rather than being self-imposed. I've learned that letting go and allowing the orgasm to find more places in my body is nirvana. Surreal. Dreamlike. Heart-burstingly loving. So good.
- My husband has a high libido and moved in with his late wife after 3 nights of sex on the trot. There were other reasons that led to their marriage a few months later but needless to say the sex bonanza wasn’t to last. After 26 years of faithful marriage they were parted by death and many years of sexless illness before that.
He thought with karezza that it would be sex every night. I thought so too at the start but quickly got fed up with it. It also makes orgasm more likely as the constant arousal can be hard to manage. I was very pleased when Marnia counselled never to do it 2 nights in a row. Three years on we are still very loving having found equilibrium at many levels.
- Last night, very lovely Karezza. So much love I had to cry. I have never cried while making love from feeling so much love and tenderness and effortless ecstasy. I am truly blessed. The wellspring of generosity and tenderness lies in heartfelt gratitude and impeccable presence of mind.
I'm updating to say that things are going really well in our 18-year relationship. Patience and communication are paying off, after about five years of me being interested in karezza and him not being "there" yet.
My title refers to Penelope and Odysseus' bed, built on the stump of an olive tree, which symbolizes peace. How's that for peace between the sheets?!
In the last year and a half my Odysseus was able to notice that post-orgasm, he would fall into monstrous anxiety. Once he was on board with the theory and had tasted the delicious karezza difference, It took about a year to get past a stage where he was extremely prone to mental overheating. He has the physical control and knowledge of himself to keep from going over the edge, but once he's ramped up to a certain point, he was basically sex crazed until he did come.
Eventually I told him, if you stay at a 5 or 6, it's fun and you don't feel driven to go over the edge, but if you go to 9, there's no good way to put on the brakes. Somehow he connected with that.
Also, we figured out how to make time regularly by setting the alarm an hour early and sleepily hooking up most mornings. We're not good with complicated schedules, so it helps that it's a habit we don't have to think about or carve out time for. It's the perfect way to spend that sleepy don't-wanna-get-out-of-bed-yet time! Plus, from my point of view, (with plenty of kids in the house), I'm worn out at bedtime. Night sex seems like a chore, but morning sex paves the way for a great day!!!! I think it's comforting for him to count on the nourishing connection, frequently.
I think exercise helps so many things; I think it has helped him with karezza and vice versa.
I'm thankful to you all. This forum has been a source of inspiration, wisdom, and sustaining hope. I look forward to exploring more and more of the wonders you karezzanauts have described!
Our Karezza has gotten far better lately due to a few things:
Firstly, not using condoms for bc anymore has changed everything. We have been practising Karezza for 15ish years (been at least a decade since I last posted here) but only reached the next level of wow when we transitioned to using an subscription based temp charting contraceptive app to give green days and red days.
Secondly, when I learnt about staying at 6 or 7 not 8 or 9, led me to relaxing as opposed to holding on tight and needing to stop often to stay off the edge (thinking back we did this for most of it, doesn't sound fun but had the trade off that the chemistry between us at least stayed alive for all those years). It is the paradox of Karezza, the most amazing feelings happen during each moment of letting go of tension not building up of tension as in the "normal" way.
Thirdly, the sending of the energy generated to the heart has had a profound effect on me. Nowadays I feel easily elated by any damn thing. A real lightness of being. What a huge gift I have received, to have learnt this and experienced the cumulative effects of this practice.
- I used to take pain medication regularly (monthly for about a week or more) for menstrual related pain, but with a year of Karezza, that pain has pretty much vanished.
- I stopped orgasming after some years of practicing with a non ejaculating husband. I would go for one orgasm, maybe two. The second always being less intense. At this point it has been a few years since I have mostly not orgasmed. I say “mostly” since I slip over the edge sometimes, not fully but to a point that diminishes the intensity. I find that when I fully orgasm I am not interested sexually anymore. The orgasm changes the focus, whether male or female. There is still a goal. When I quit, we experienced another shift. I would say we moved into the karezza mode. I can't quite explain it but there is a difference and it is related to there being no goal, nothing to achieve. Almost Zen. Instead of knowing where you are going, you follow the thread of the experience, which may take you somewhere else, and usually does if given enough time. [Her husband added:] One other thing we have noticed is that karezza sex seems to be the fountain of youth. We both swear that my wife continues to physically look more beautiful and younger. I figure that because I am in love with her and enjoy her beauty every day I may be biased, but friends that haven't seen her in a while say things like, “your look younger and more beautiful than I when I saw you last.” She gets this a lot. Recently a friend was talking with her saying something like you look about the same age as me and she was in her early 30's, she is 51. Has anyone else noticed karezza having this affect? Granted we have been doing this for 12 years and it took a while for this to happen.
- After another delightful morning of Karezza, for over an hour, my wife said, "This so nice, kinda like an ice cream cone that never ends; it just goes on and on." LOL
- Dialog over breakfast: "I'm really glad we did that. Now, I'm gonna be, like, turned on, all day. It creates a kind of . . . generosity."
- Since we have started using the bonding behaviors as part of our love-making, it seems we don't know when to stop (nor do we want to stop). This past weekend, we started kissing and holding each other at about 5:30 pm and only stopped to eat something at about 10:30 that night and then continued on until almost 4:00 a.m. And then started up again the next morning and continued on until 4:30 pm the next day! What in the world???!!! We will lie together with our entire bodies touching and our faces touching and we can stay that way and talk for hours on end. It's truly amazing. I've never wanted to be this physically close to anyone in my entire life. In the past and during my 20-year marriage, I've always been anxious to "get on with it" and get it over with--never have I *not* worried about how much sleep I'm going to get or whether I should waste an entire day snuggling. Both of us are normally "doers" and have a hard time sitting still, but since starting to make love this way, we seem to lose all sense of time. I think my favorite part is when we just touch our lips together and take in each other's breath until it feels you are one person.
- We also started slowing it down this weekend, way down. Honestly, it was great. He seemed really impressed with how it felt (and how long we went) He kept bringing it up the next day, saying how different, how good it felt...even striking a Superman pose, which cracked me up. For my part, I found the hardest part was not being a “karezza perfectionist”: I repeatedly caught myself assessing whether we were doing it “right”, whatever that means: slowly, consciously, generously “enough” (?) And I also noticed that if I start with the idea in my head that I want to have sex (even without orgasm), I am somewhat goal oriented in my approach, and need to repeatedly and consciously bring myself back to the moment and let go of my agenda. It kind of makes me wonder if part of my fear of being open with him was a disguised reluctance to be confronted with my own desire to remain unconscious, impatient, and “hungry”…hmmm But overall, it was a great beginning and I can’t wait to explore further. Thanks again everyone for your advice and encouragement! (Later post) We made love last night and any time I'd feel like I was getting excited I'd ask him to stop and then I'd do the exercise where you breathe the energy up your back and let it fall down your front. It worked really well, and I must say it was a really enjoyable experience! We basically were intertwined in different positions, starting with the scissors, which was very relaxing, and gently caressing each other’s backs etc. I hadn't explained anything about what I wanted to happen but he just seemed to follow my lead, which was way cool. Though he did move around a bit too much but I didn't want to seem too controlling so I just enjoyed that too.
- Here a lot is happening, very gently and subtly. This is only a brief feedback of what we are living and finding. We are at Exchange 6 and sleeping with T-Shirt and underwear in bed(?!?). You won't believe it - we don't know what is going on either, but it is very easy and just very touching and simple. We are just mindblown. We are totally in love, carried, led, held, embraced. Something huge is moving us very gently and we are experiencing something very similar, both of us, not very easily expressible. (The piece has even become bigger, stronger, gentler, it is not only between the sheets it is everywhere, all around us, inside of us, uuuhhh!!!) Ohhhh, there is such relief in us. We have a lot of time to do things, we are meant to do, and finally these "things" we do will materialize. Our days are very rich. We are allowed now to create things. Maybe the easiest way to say it is, we are empowered now to write a book, and it is as if we start to write a book and we can see it, the blank sheets finally get written!! (It is not that we really write a book, but it feels like this. You know what we mean?) So, this Divine Energy we felt and found in making love and letting our genitals talk to each other,1 we are finding now all around us, coming from its source. What a gift. In letting go of our biggest gift we had found before (and we had promised that we would never would turn away from it) we found more of IT, unexpectedly.
- I have always been greatly bothered by knowing that my husband believes orgasm is natural and no problem, although he has never given me any sort of pressure to try regular sex again. (We did it that way a handful of times at the start of our relationship 5 yrs ago). Yet I knew he was interested to try orgasm again, because for him it is harmless. Recently I said, "okay let's try it for say a month with orgasms just to see." I thought it would be sort of good for me to let go of the fear of orgasm that the Samael Aun Weor classes had started. They had demonised orgasms so to speak. I thought it would be good for me to go there again, so that I wasn't carrying a phobia of them with me anymore. So we did twice have orgasms intentionally and after that he said, "That's enough. Can we please go back to what we have been doing?" He said this even though I was happy to continue experimenting. Our sex-without-orgasm practice is 'making love' for him, whereas what just happened was like 'just only sex.' Mission accomplished!!! Now I don't have those nagging thoughts any longer that "yes, he enjoys what we do, but it could be even more enjoyable for him with orgasm." A person who rationalises that orgasms are good and healthy but prefers the 'making love and avoiding it' style is such a good advertisement, no? For me the experiment was a refreshing reminder that orgasms let out the lovely magical feeling you have built up during intercourse. Plus they are such an addictive thing, the next day my thoughts kept getting interrupted by annoying feelings of being in the mood for more. Sex without orgasm leaves such a long-lasting satisfaction as compared to sex with orgasm that it is almost ironic. P.S. [Added months later] I just wanted to share a comment my husband made: He said making love is like inflating a balloon. Having an orgasm is like popping the balloon whereas if you finish without an orgasm it is like you are a balloon which takes several days to gradually deflate, leaving you much longer to enjoy the inflated feeling. (Like I have mentioned before, I love how, even though he does not acknowledge any relationship harmony effects through this style of lovemaking, or anything wrong with orgasm, he prefers it because it simply feels better after.)
- My husband and I started the process a little over a week ago. We are both blown away over the strength of the work. We live in an area of Australia where sexual/spiritual growth is quite common and we live quite a beautiful lifestlyle full of depth and connection and love. BUT!! Although we are very in love and have been since we met 6yrs ago we are so tired of the rollercoaster we experiance. We have learnt to heal and manage the ups and downs we go through, but we had begun to think constant processing and the pushmepullyou routine was just a part of "the deal" that great love involves great work, and its seems to lack much peacefull consistancy. We have both given up smoking and are finding it easy. In fact it's the first time I've not jumped straight from nicotine to sugar. I feel full.
- We had been going to marriage counseling for about 6 months to work towards more harmony in our relationship. Our approach [in counseling] was more of an "ignore and do the opposite of our old patterns/baggage," but I found it is/was quite forced and it took a huge amount of energy to keep this up. We did the first 14 or so Exchanges [from Peace Between the Sheets], and I noticed many significant changes in our interactions as the result. The most apparent was that we related harmoniously and easily without forcing things. I didn't really have to push down my old patterns because they didn't come up so much anymore with him. We were touching and connecting like in the beginning of our relationship and it was nice to know that we could feel that way again. I would say that the changes were very dramatic and noticeable right away, and I would highly recommend this approach to anyone who is interested in a more harmonious marriage/partnership. I would also highly recommend it for people who have lost all "hope" or connection in their relationship.
- We had an amazing breakthrough last night, after several months of back and forth with the Exchanges. First, R said pretty spontaneously that he thought he would just give up drink completely. He said how happy he is being with me here. Then in bed, having had no alcohol last night at all, me with my underwear in place, we started smooching, etc. There was a warm glow in the area between our navels and pubic-hair line that just demanded that we lie there together motionless to feel the glow and the gentle warmth it was radiating. This went on for about 20-30 "timeless" minutes. Then slowly we inched towards nuzzling in the genital area both of us still with tops on and me at least with underwear (he hadn't his on which worried me at first, but he was not overheating at all and was comfortable). Very slowly we got to having intercourse sideways and it was amazing—lots of wetness to make it easy and lots of control, so no frenzy by either. We were both amazed and so loving in the stillness. It is a truly incredible experience. R. is delighted and feels so pleased that he didn't feel the need to come, which has been a big concern for him. It was such a powerful loving experience. It has all been worth it; the patience and persistence has paid off. I did mention to him that, had he had a drink, I didn't think it would have been possible to reach that state (not to get at him, but just as a gentle reminder, as I have often been annoyed and disappointed in bed because he had been drinking and I knew it wasn't worth trying anything more advanced than kissing or the odd massage. When he's squiffy, the Exchanges get ignored, or seem too much like hard work.) Now that we've seen and felt the light, let's hope it's more steps forward and not so many back. Change happens in a zigzag fashion, rarely linear. I did a meditation this morning and it was incredibly powerful after last night.
- (First report) I don't want to lose that magical, delicious feeling I have *before* an orgasm--and for me, once I have an orgasm, I'm kind of done and over it for awhile. I don't like that! I like the sensuous feelings to go on and on...I've decided those pre-orgasm feelings are 100% better than any short-lived burst of feeling I can get through an orgasm. ... "Since *I* have stopped trying for orgasms, he doesn't have the need for Taoist technique [forceful methods of blocking orgasm] so much. It has been only in the last couple of months that I've decided to not "go for it" myself, so to speak. But the accidental orgasms I have slip him up. He says it feels like I'm just sucking one out of him, lol. I'm determined to keep perfecting *my* technique so that our lovemaking doesn't have to come to a crashing halt." (Later report) Thank you for referencing Diana Richardson's book, The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment in another thread! It has truly changed my life. There is also a companion book written by her husband, Michael Richardson, called Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation , which is as good, if not better (I gave it to my lover *after* I read it). I think I enjoyed the men's book so much because I felt like I was being sneaky and peeking in on some of the secrets of male sexuality~~and also~~the book made me quite horny while reading it, lol. There is a concept in the book that in all my life I have never known about nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor...especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too "loose" to the man. I wasn't sure I could do it. But I tried it. And Lord have mercy. It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. It sounds simple, but it isn't. It is something I have to consciously stay focused on so I don't revert to my old habits. I was going to try to describe the difference it makes for me while making love (and what my lover tells me happens to him), but I cannot put it into words. It is something you have to experience for yourself. But what happens is the vagina becomes so open and receptive and welcoming when you relax the pelvic floor that it gives the man a wonderful feeling of being fully accepted. And when you do this while making love, the woman starts to draw the man up inside her like a magnet. And when the man relaxes his pelvic floor, he is able to feel the sensations throughout the entire length of his penis. The penis stays erect, but soft enough to snake around and conform to the vagina. It almost seems to grow in length. And when you are still, you can truly, truly feel the electricity passing between you and your lover. It just pulsates. There is no need for movement at times. And you go into somewhat of a trancelike state where you just stay in the moment and feel. If you start to think of something other than the here and now, you direct yourself immediately back to the present. And the juices just flow! In the past, if I would have tried to have intercourse for two hours straight, well, it just wouldn't have been able to happen--I would have been dry and raw and so over it. But I stayed extremely wet and welcoming and it had a profound effect on his penis. I'm pretty sure this is the first time my lover has ever stayed erect (in varying degrees) for that long of a time and without getting tired nor feeling pressured. There are so many aspects of this--the healing aspect, the energy aspect, and it's all so dang relaxing and magical and mystical and yet thrilling at the same time. Yep, lots of mumbo jumbo, but it is there and you can't deny it. And one of the other great things (I believe it is from the men's book) I took away from all this is what to do when you have emotions well up inside you that normally would/could turn into something not so pretty. When this happens, you just say "I am emotional" and put it right out there, right then. Not later. When you do that, you are accepting all of the feelings as your own and not blaming your partner for the way you feel. This really, really helped me last week. We were beginning to make love, but I couldn't stop feeling guilty for the sacrifices he makes to see me every week. And instead of just holding it all in and letting it make me feel sad and perhaps projecting it onto him, I just said it out loud and it felt so good. I was able to cry, get it out of my system, while he was able to tell me why I should *not* feel guilty, and then we moved past it and made wonderful love.
- Me and my boyfriend discussed practicing Karezza while he was doing the reboot so he didn't having any problems after having an orgasm. We didn't really understand and lots of people said to stay still and just "feel." This was baffling to me and my partner because we didn't see the fun in it. We thought it would be quite boring to not move at all. My boyfriend before NoFap had problems with keeping it up and would often go soft in the middle of it because he'd over think about "orgasming to fast," and a lot of the time sex only lasted 5-10 minutes do to both. When we decided to engage in Karezza, he was already hard (you can do karezza soft too.) I think the fact that he didn't have to orgasm gave him quite a relief. He didn't have to worry about cumming or anything. To be totally honest here, it was boring to just sit there with him inside me and just kinda look at eachother in confusion. We tried switching position with a lot of kissing but it only got us heated up. We started to move quite a bit. We both knew that we had to take it slow, so we tried to calm ourselves down. I think just about than we suddenly got lost in eachother. We kissed and caressed each other with slight movement. Without even trying we were creating.... this bond between us through the act of love. It was so gentle, absolutely nothing i've ever experienced before. We found "our position," where we were able to be so close to each other but not unable to move in and out. Haha, it was kinda like we were a pretzel. It was amazing feeling so comfortable with my own body. Not even a thought came to mind about "how my body looked to him." I noticed that he suddenly knew when to move and when to stay still. Which was weird considering our past "rough" sex. Our bodies seemed to have told use when it was time to stop. We lay there wrapped in one another with a satisfaction greater than any orgasm could portray. I couldn't believe what had just happened. It was like falling in love with this person, that loved for 2 years, all over again. What felt like 20 minutes turned out to be AN HOUR AND A HALF. ... An hour and a half he was able to stay hard.!!!!! It was amazing. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2lnvz6/karezza_for_the_first_time...
- My husband and I learned karezza-style lovemaking and completely turned things around in our relationship in only a few short weeks. Now we can see dramatic changes in every aspect of our life together. We have healed ourselves of sexual frustration, resentment, anxiety and past hurts and disappointment simply by giving up one thing – the goal of orgasm. I remember the day I said to my husband. “I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve learned about a different way to make love, and I just can’t go back to the way it’s been.” Fortunately for me, instead of walking away, he willingly abandoned masturbation, ejaculation and orgasm with me. He loved me enough to educate himself in the art of karezza sex, which I had recently discovered. By letting go of the pursuit of this threesecond event, we both opened ourselves to hours of deep connection and contentment on a daily basis. Though this may be hard to believe, there is no doubt to anyone who has experienced the sweet embrace of sensual, slow and tender lovemaking.
- In the past when we have tried to do karezza it has been less than interesting probably because we didn't do enough of the exchanges, or we were doing it under the context of my dissatisfaction with where we were at, or we were "trying" to do this think called karezza. Somehow I think we have just reached a place in our lives of emotional readiness for this. A lot of it has to do with me being pregnant and my husband having a very regular meditation practice with fewer of his other addictive habits grabbing hold of him. We just suddenly made this a priority and since then, we have been just doing karezza, rather than "trying" to do karezza. The relaxation is amazing and the level of bliss and ecstacy I feel is entirely different. The way I describe it to my husband is that slow relaxed sex makes me truly, authentically, emotionally, physically and energetically receptive. Whereas conventional sex I find to be tiring and downright boring in its predictability, even with the usual orgasm.
- For a while the karezza has been a bit hum-drum IMO.Too much movement and too little real, deep connection. Still ok compared to the conventional of course. Then, because of all the meditation, deep sleep and emotional clearing out, we were both more centred and restored. We did more of the looking into each others’ eyes for a while just lying side by side which mirrored a lot of what went on at the retreat in regard to looking into the eyes. There was none of the usual get on, get off an hour later routine with him largely in the driving seat. He said it reminded him of what he’d forgotten from years ago about how beautiful karezza makes a woman look; she becomes "all women" so there’s no need to look elsewhere. He said I was shining and smiling like a real goddess. I must say it felt qualitatively different from most previous encounters. I plan to keep to that approach as far as possible and will be forthright about it too. We did a yum-yab type position after the eye gazing session and it worked incredibly well.
- (Kos-Mos) I've given this a lot of time and thought, and I can now say that the high is not in the orgasm. The orgasm is simultaneously the peak and end of that high, and ultimately the death of the connection that we are all trying to achieve in our escapades. That is why no matter how intense or good the orgasm is, we are soon seeking it out again. Now being more aware of this, I have made note that lovemaking without orgasm continues on after the act. This is something I have read about (Left-handed Tantra and Taoist Dual-Cultivation), but not experienced or been previously aware of. Because you never really 'finish' making love, that energy you build, layer upon layer, is sustained. It flows beautifully through every limb and every action, soon enough every part of interaction becomes lovemaking. The power of this phenomena cannot be overestimated, as I have experienced it. It far surpasses any kind of ecstasy I've known, I can only imagine what it must feel like to be present in every moment, and actively cultivate that energy. To be aware and not lost totally in what my body is feeling. I have begun to experience this without trying, simply by being aware and not being too concerned with driving toward a goal. At first, I could not understand what I was reading, but now I understand it completely. Last night I lie awake and thought about this, pulling the energy from my pelvis and up my spine. Eventually it exited out my eyes in a stream of tears and I was at peace. The pure energy of it was so beautiful that I mourned that it ever had to leave, and longed to feel it not just during those moments of physical union, but all the time.
- This was the progression for my husband and me: 1- He stops PMO. We MO. We continue to have orgasmic sex. 2- He relapses PMO. I still MO. We continue to have orgasmic sex. 3- We try non-orgasmic sex most of them time. He stops PMO for good. I stop MO. 4- We go back to orgasmic sex and we both relapse MO. 5- We practice non-orgasmic sex more seriously. Our minds are blown as we realize what we were missing and we lose the urge to MO altogether. So I would second the recommendation for Karezza. Could have saved us a few years of trouble!
- (Jami) Karezza is something completely different.. Although we are still learning, we have already come to some new experiences together. In the beginning, karezza was something that was very abstract to me. I’m sure that like a lot of people, I had never heard about non-orgasmic sex before. I thought it couldn’t work, because, sex has always been about reaching orgasm. My initial questions were: how can this work, and, what is different about it? Furthermore, because I’m not a native English speaker, it was difficult for me to figure out exactly what karezza is. Karezza articles in Czech practically don’t exist and sometimes the English articles were difficult for me to understand. However, with practice, I have begun to see things in a new meaning. For me karezza lovemaking is a much deeper connection between two people on many levels, in comparison to conventional lovemaking. I still sometime feel desire to achieve orgasm. But those new feelings witch we have during the lovemaking are unique, incredible, amazing .. Karezza lovemaking is for me like nice meditation from the beginning...sometimes a short, and in most cases very long, without wanting to stop, interrupt our connections. We can make love an hour, hour and a half and feel no fatigue, as we felt before having sex with orgasm. Today is for me karezza linking two bodies and souls .. the mutual transfer of energy .. to charge each other. We learning more and more by these experiences. And every day we discovering new unknown. I never knew what karezza will mean for me..both my and our life can change. And also how can change my view of sex. I look forward to new experiences and discovering. Now, I can not imagine that I wanted to make love in different way.
- (Anonymous) I have been orgasm-free for over a year and I feel so much less reactive. My partner has had a long journey opening to karezza. It has been a big loss for him to let go of traditional sex. To his credit he has been willing to let go of masturbation. He is now committed to practicing karezza. He is starting to see the benefits to having our connection go to a deeper place. He was unconvinced after the Exchanges, yet lately when we have done karezza intercourse he has loved it. We are both being patient and compassionate. Karezza is such a good fit for me. I am thrilled to be able to allow sexuality to open my awareness to the oneness of the universe. I am speaking more openly about karezza. One of my closest friends who thought I was nuts when I first told her about karezza has recently discovered she feels like crap the day after she masturbates. She asked me all about karezza the other day and is now saying she wants to meet a man she can practice with.
- (Donna) It is obvious to me that committed couples are the ones who can heal the world by understanding the true, sacred purpose of sexuality. For the most part, we have lost the way to create a society of men and women who know how to love one another in the highest sense. And yet there is undeniable strength within each one that can bridge the gap between the separation of the sexes, especially when we mindfully engage in the daily practice of sacred sexual union with a faithful partner.
- (Clarity) [First karezza experience] I really didn't know how to play this level. The initial conversation with him didn't go all that well, but it was easy to forgive myself because I am in completely new territory. You don't go to a foreign land and expect to speak the language fluently all at once. A few words here, a few words there, all in good time. Patience on all levels - to find him, to wait for the relationship to deepen, and the ultimate patience: the peak will never come. Patience, patience. Then, it was very strange to feel like a novice. Usually I know what I'm doing in bed. (Or on the couch, as the case may be.) But I am really inexperienced at this whole thing. I said "it's an experiment, I don't know what I'm doing yet." I asked for his help. I said "I need you to work with me on this to keep us both calm and focused, not get frenzied or build tension." I am so glad I practiced in my fantasies. It helped a lot to know that it works better to breathe and focus than to tense up and fight against it. At one point I felt myself slipping away, it all happened so fast, I had to push him away and hold still and breathe and refocus. I said "you're right, it is going away somewhere else, not being here anymore." It was sweet and wonderful and so much better than boring old regular sex. I said "it's all my favorite things about sex anyway." He said "word." After a while, he asked "should we stop now?" It is strange to lose the reference point for the end. It was getting more and more difficult to not fall into the frenzy, and we stopped. He looked at me and said "Wow. This is a totally different cocktail of brain chemicals, huh?" "Yeah, it is." "There's more to this than just not having orgasms, isn't there?" I feel sane and realistic. He seems like a person. Other people feel relevant. I am happy and content and savoring my memories, but not lost in a dreamworld. The most delightful discovery for me is that the possibility of honest communication has opened up. Every sexual relationship I've had has been founded on lies. There is the structure of my feelings and then an elaborate scaffolding and façade of what I express - the feelings I "should" have, the feelings that are appropriate, the feelings that won't scare him off. All of that has fallen away. My actual feelings match up with the feelings I always wished I would have. I can actually see him. That annoying veil isn't in the way, confusing things. I like him a lot, I enjoy his company, I'd like to get to know him better, I think we are well matched and that there is enormous potential between us. If it doesn't work out, that's ok. It'll hurt, but it won't be the end of the world, there are plenty of others out there. I don't feel any inner conflict or opposition between different parts of myself, holding intense feelings in contradiction of other intense feelings. Reality is so fractal, the feelings match the sex - wonderful and sweet, but gentle and calm.
- In my room we started talking about the other night, our first attempt at Karezza. Whilst talking through her experience she took her clothes off, but not to seduce; she was so deep in thought that it was almost unconscious. (Think getting undressed for a bath rather than seducing a lover.) Sitting on top of me in just lacey panties she explained how karezza had completely shaken up her view on sex. She told me that sex for her is being 'fucked'. Being pounded. Submitting and taking it. But the other night was equal. It wasn't about dominance and submissive power struggles. She had never thought of sex in this way. She also wondered whether bonding based sex is what two casual lovers [they had broken up a month earlier] should be doing. I liked that comment because it showed she realised the power of non-orgasmic sex. (Read his description of their next experience.
- Since reading Richardson's book and practicing more slow lovemaking, it's become very clear to me how sensitive the vagina is, so much more than I ever knew, and the ways that the vagina will block this sensitivity (brace against it) if the way that it is being entered is not absolutely gentle, kind, and loving. Of course, women can still feel a lot even with friction, but I think that there's something about the speed of conventional sex that forces a woman to brace herself, especially by tightening the lower muscles closer to the opening, to prevent any insensitive movement on her cervix. Touch on the cervix by the penis that is not totally appropriate can be extremely painful, especially if scar tissue exists there (whether physical or emotional). On the other hand, loving gentle touch on the cervix is the most fabulous sensation. I myself have experienced a lot of pain in my cervix during even slow deep penetration and I think this was old trauma releasing itself. During and afterwards, my body was discharging with a lot of laughter, which Richardson describes as a natural response to the discomfort that comes with this new level of vulnerability. If only men knew how much women take in energetically through sex, and how much of that is kept inside - they would realize the need to never enter until their penis was an instrument of absolute love and gentleness. And I do think that once the emotional trust has been established, the woman is truly receptive, faster variation can happen without pain, so long as the intentions remain present and loving. There's a lot of recovery to do. My only advice: learn to enjoy the healing, the emotions, the vulnerability, and the difficulty of karezza along with the bliss. That's what this path is about, being fully present with what is in a genuine way and through the safe holding field of gentleness, so that it can clear. Don't let it scare you as it surfaces. Being vulnerable is not a skill we are taught to value and so delving into these waters is a real test for the part of us that prefers the safety of performance-driven sex. But it is so worth it!
- It's lovely to finally leave behind that "I did you and now you have to do me" mentality (the whole "You owe me an orgasm" way of thinking). That "routine" sets people up for resentment toward one another (as if the orgasm is something to which they are entitled). Once you leave that way of thinking behind (which is *not* thinking in the present moment~~it's an expectation, which is, by definition, the future), you can just enjoy each other and tear up the scorecard. We never beat ourselves up over unintentional orgasms~~if they come we let them come and enjoy them. And as you have noticed, they don't carry with them the after-effects of those that are brought on through the mind (the anticipating kind). I can remember in the early days of our relationship when we were still practicing conventional sex and after his ejaculation he would literally fling himself over to the other side of the bed and go into a stupor, lol. Now if they happen, we are entwined so tightly you could not pry us apart with a crowbar. And *I* feel the energy flowing through me and receive some sort of light-filled energy from his orgasms as he does mine. But we are both getting better and better at letting that orgasm moment subside...and then it turns into something even more beautiful which I don't think words can describe. Practice really does make perfect and our lovemaking is ever-evolving and ever-changing. For us, we don't think in terms of *not* doing something, but in terms of saying yes to the moment and really being there with each other. Lovemaking is not a chore, not a duty, not a routine~~it's time we crave so we can be together that closely and it balances us and makes us better human beings.
- Meditative. - Like after a good practice in Haatha Yoga, my mental commentary shuts down. I can bask in the glow of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin without feeling compelled to rationalize it. Worries melt away. I'm content with merely curling up with my head on his shoulder and listening to his heartbeat. We giggle. We're silly. And we live in the present, together. Reconnecting. - The very apparent post-plateau glow can last for days. We beam when we see each other. He is the most adorable person on Earth. Little things that would normally annoy me fade from my attention or even seem endearing. We're genuine around each other. Fronts and shields are discarded. We become more curious and do not fear negative replies or reprehension from misunderstood wording. Cuddling and sharing are top priorities and almost laughable inseparability may begin.
- We've been moving towards no-o since November 2013- I read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow July 2013, and found www.reunting.info, Marnia's website. The first time I read the book, it seemed like another sexist thing- so women don't need to have pleasure- go without! Hmmph! Myself then would have become surprised that now it doesn't matter to me whether I have an orgasm or not because the connection during slow sex and karezza means so much more.