90 days no PMO. Some experimenting lately with MO. A little deflated. It didn't fall off. But sometimes it feels like it did.
Yeah I am little down. I'm trying to be flexible and conscious of the down-ness and see what it's trying to tell me.
I've been feeling that my sexuality is ruined forever. I am getting older, and mixing that in with my anxiety about things working again--well, it's clear I am in a different phase of life.
I'm working on a college campus and just realized today that looking good in a tank top is not all that uncommon. Not at all. Seventeen years ago--heck, five years ago--my brain would be on fire with lust if I worked here. But now I notice, I look, but that's it. And most of all I'm just sort of frustratedly aware of the fact that I missed that train.
But maybe a better train is coming along now.
Occasionally I see a woman just looking at bananas at the store and I marvel at the expressivity of her face. I look at people a little differently now. Sometimes.
Still. I'm not sure what I want. I'm in limbo.
A lot of the posts on this site are ostensibly about sex, but maybe they are really about healthy connection. I'm starting to wonder if sex really deserves so much consideration. It's like thinking about frosting all day long. I need to think about blueberries and pears and broccoli and sweet potatoes and and and and...
[Does this guy mix metaphors or what?]
So if there's a question here, it's this. Did any of you guys or girls mourn the passing of your old ways? Did you go through a painful or confusing metamorphic phase when you went from sex focus to warm connection focus?