My recovery thus far

Submitted by garindan99 on
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So heres a brief history of my road to recovery. I have had ED problems during sex since my first experience at 18, I have been masturbating 1-2 times a day since 13, with porn. I started this process after finding this post and on July 4th, 2011. The first month I was O free, but I did edge with porn fantasy several times within the first month. After that first month I relapsed, and began to find myself relapsing almost once every 10 days or so, usually with porn, often with 2-4 O each relapse. Despite these set backs I noticed great changes in how often I was getting erections, and an overall increase in sensitivity.

So last night I decided to test my progress with a woman. I invited over a girl on facebook that I knew had been wanted to hook up with me for a while. We started making out and I got very hard, very fast. After some mutual oral sex, I put the condom on and stayed very hard, which is a first for me! However, after about 25 minutes of penetration in several positions, we were both exhuasted and I still had not finished. I was not even able to finish with my hand, I just felt very little sensitivity down there, her vagina though the condom, just wasnt providing the pleasure that I expected it would.

Although this was a big improvement over my past attempts at sex, which I would usually go soft during foreplay or shortly after penetration, I am still feeling very discouraged. I was so hoping that it would be awesome sex and I would finally be cured of this. My last orgasm was 6 days ago, from masturbation.

I'm thinking what I need is a true 60-90 days of abstianance, NO edging, as little fantasy as possible, and of course no O or porn. Unfortunatley I've got several female prospects, a couple of whom I could definetly see becoming exclusive relationships. But all of that will have to go on the back burner I suppose. Despite marked improvements, I'm still worried that I will never fully be cured of this, and never be able to truely share great sex and enjoy it with someone.

I did a little research and found some articles on delayed/retarded ejaculation. Alot of them said to seek therapy, I don't know if that would be helpful, or if the desensitization is solely from all the masturbation.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, any advice or insight would be great.


on your progress. You'll get there. The more consistent you are the better.

Also, believe it or not, it's okay to have sex without climax. The Chinese Daoists recommended sex in various positions (without climax) to heal a whole variety of illnesses.

I know that what you really want is your sensitivity back. Stop getting off to superstimuli and your brain will find the real thing more interesting. Here's a radio show on superstimuli.

We've also written about this information in various posts. Believe it or not, male butterflies will try to mate with cardboard tubes painted with exaggerated colors...and ignore a real female. That's how powerful the limbic brain is in steering us toward extreme stimuli.

I found it was helpful to be with a woman

while rebooting, tho my experiences with her at first were not promising- the first time I was with her overnight I didn't get hard at all- eventually after a few weekends with her I was able to have intercourse, and eventually had an orgasm from oral sex with her- but even then I did not climax easily- I thought of a porn actress in order to come. Now I'm not actively physically close with anyone and rebooting is harder for me alone. So if you have chances to be with a woman, go for it- don't worry what happens, your progress is already very good. Btw, I had ED problems since my first experience at 18, too- now I'm 36, so it's taken me a while to get this problem fixed! Be very glad you're addressing this- you are definitely going to heal by rebooting.

Thanks for advice

Thanks for the advice, it was very encouraging. Also thanks to Gary and Marina (sp?) for this awesome website. I am 25 now, I wish so much that I would've had this resource when I was 18. Its surprising that there is so little info on this topic when so many men have ED issues in their teens. If you google this issue, most of the answers are "try not maturbating for 1-2 weeks, that should solve it." Its no wonder so many guys freak out about this. Thanks for this amazing resources to share and collectively help to solve this problem.

Well, that's already

an improvement in the mainstream advice. Most of the advice we hear here is, "You just have performance anxiety. Here's a trial pack of Cialis and the number of a sexology therapist." Neither gets at the underlying problem. Cialis doesn't fix a desensitized brain and sexologists have been trained to assure clients their problems are coming from ANYwhere but excessive porn use. Smile

It's great that you're figuring things out now. We all have to learn the benefits of balance one way or the other!

It's "Marnia." My mother musta been high on pregnancy hormones.... [skepti]

dont worry about the

dont worry about the ejaculating. like you said, its much better to stay hard and not cum than go limp during fucking... im sure she'll be happy to finish you off with her mouth after such a performance :)
like you said, condoms might be the culprit. Many guys refuse to use condoms or pull them off during sex just for this reason
Also think of the guys in the pornos.. having the control to fuck for 25-30 minutes and then orgasm on command doesn't always fit together perfectly... that why the porn guys have to pull out and jerk themselves off for half a minute to orgasm in order to get the "money shot" (often with obvious cuts in the film where he was "fluffed" and the scene resumed), especially if there isn't much "chemistry" between the performers.
also alcohol will have this effect as well as im sure you know


I appreciate that you're trying to be helpful (and all knowing Smile ). However, please watch the cues...such as recounting details of porn scenarios, and giving people graphic foreplay and afterplay advice. It's not helpful to those who are hooked. Thanks.