Day 16 Almost Relapse

Submitted by UncleTito on
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I am 16 days PMO free. I almost relapsed last night (Maybe I did, depends on how you classify it; looked at P photos for a few minutes before closing them, no M though). Today I feel worse than I ever have.

Seriously, last week I was feeling great. Maybe it was some sort of mental placebo effect or something, but I was mostly positive, and when I wasn't I was able to talk myself through down periods. I was committed to reconnecting with people again (I planned social activities; something I hadn't done in ages) and I was talking/flirting with girls in class (again, something I hadn't done in at least a year).

These past two days I have felt like a zombie. I feel like I've been going through the motions of my life. It's like I've been watching it on a screen. Sitting next to the same people I talked with so easily last week I was paralyzed by my emotions. I literally couldn't say a word or even think straight. This is the worst rut I have ever experienced. Perhaps I was too optimistic going into this thing. The first 9 days or so were so easy.

I decided today that I think facebook is a trigger for me. I have a program blocking it every day except Sunday now. We'll see if this helps at all.

This is my first authored post here. Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry

Rebooting definitely has its ups and downs, and the pattern is a bit different for everyone. I know it's anxiety-producing when those nasty lows hit, but they *will* their own good time. You saw these mood charts, right? (Scroll down.)

Good days lie ahead...though no one can say when exactly. Wink

*big hug*

Uncle Tito, you'll bounce

Uncle Tito, you'll bounce back.

As cliche as it sounds, view it as a learning experience rather than as a failure. You've learned that you'll have to try to avoid P entirely, even in small doses. And you've learned facebook is a trigger.

I've managed to block the images in my facebook via some advice on YBOP. It's helped a lot.

Also, I have to compliment you on your Username. UncleTito, lol. Superb.