♥Day 29 - I like karezza!

Submitted by Nicholas on
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Yesterday my girlfriend and I did karezza for about 45 minutes. I felt similar afterwards to how I felt after the last post, peaceful and happy. This time, there was more of a significant feeling of relief and satisfaction. Although, it's different to the relief and satisfaction that is had after an orgasm.

The "relief" after orgasm, in my experience, is a relief from sexual tension. It's relief from sexual frustration - the seeking of pleasure to numb out the underlying pain. The drive to "release" what are actually painful, frustrating feelings. I've always felt trapped by lust, and it's a trap I've wanted to escape for a long time. Yeah, the rush of an orgasm is nice, but it is fleeting, and the frustration-pain-emptiness underneath soon comes back. I've felt chained up by lust for a long time, and I've been trying to escape the lust-trap for a good year or so now. It feels good to be getting a grip on it now, and having a taste of new things.

The relief and satisfaction felt this time, after karezza, was subtle, but ongoing. It's just a light hum of... niceness :) There's no frustration, there's no tiredness. There's only the desire to be close and to continue cuddling, kissing, tickling, giggling. It's a feeling of bonding with my girlfriend.

Yesterday's session was interesting. I was aware of the desire to "plow" when it came up, but it had less of an effect. When it did come up, I breathed the energy up my spine, above my head, down my face, and out of the heart chakra, onto my girlfriend. It reminded me to slow down, and to remember what I'm learning as the true purpose of sex - unconditional love. I would also breath deeply. Whenever the desire to plow comes up, I've noticed that it is accompanied by an intense energy in the groin. So, I guess this breathing/visualizing energy is a way to "redistribute" the energy in the body... Does anybody have any experiences with this? I also felt that doing this was like a prayer to truly heal my addiction.

A really nice thing I noticed yesterday was, whenever I'd hold eye contact with my girlfriend, and her with me, my erection would become much more intense. It was really great. There was a time I went soft inside her. We slowed down and looked into each others eyes as I moved slowly, and my erection suddenly came back :)

Thanks for reading :)

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Yeah,

I've been blind to the power of bonding behaviors, but now I'm having a taste of the sweetness of them! And, I feel I'm nowhere near feeling the full depth and extent of them yet - it's still just a taste; one I want to explore more deeply. Cuddling for example, is so soothing, and I think it's really helping me to heal the addiction.

Thanks for the link :)

Student

I want to respond to your post but first need to understand what you mean by "plow". I have my ideas but don't want to assume I understand your meaning.

Hi Daryll,

by "plow" I mean the impulse to start going for orgasm; the feeling of wanting to start moving quickly. If I follow the impulse, I become less present and lose connection with my girlfriend (she becomes like an object used to reach orgasm). When the "go for it" signal comes up in my mind, I simultaneously feel energy/heat/tension in my groin. Breathing light up my spine at that time reminded me to go in the opposite direction - not to follow the impulse, but slow down even more. Does that make sense? If so, do these impulses diminish with practice?

impulses

The impulse that makes you want to "go for it" will definitely diminish, in fact it will disappear all together. It did in my case. Its a great feeling when you have no urge to orgasm at all, no matter how heated things get. You still might slip over the edge from time to time but it wont be for wanting to.

You mention lust and getting caught in the "lust trap". What I'm going to say may not be what you mean by lust, but I have no problem with lust and karezza combined. Sex can be a very earthy lusty thing and sometimes we equate love with good and lust with bad. My view is that sex can be full of lust, I just make sure it includes the heart, then its lusty sweetness.

About the "urge". I experience a practical way to dissipate that impulse. It goes like this. The urge is really the build up of energy that wants a release. Those little spermies of yours want to do their job, to complete that biological imperative. There's a way to manage this energy and side step the fertilization instinct that works great for me. Since the urge to orgasm is the urge to "send", start the sending early before it builds up. Instead of sending semen send your energy, (your love) into your lover, send it into her at every stroke. I find at the bottom of the stroke when my penis is all the way in I send my male energy into my lover, its a very natural flow. Think of it like a gift you are giving her, a gift you give over and over and over. The gift of your masculine force. Also, if you relax at this fully penetrated point, the sending easier and fuller. When you squeeze your genitals the sending is restricted to some extent. I would even say that my partner calls for this sending energy and kind of "milks" it off of me.

Try it, see if you can get in the flow of the sending. I think you will find that the energy doesn't built up so much and you'll be more likely to stay far enough away from that urge.

Nice,

it's great to know that the impulses will disappear all together.

Your comment about lust has been food for thought - I've definitely equated love with good and lust with bad, which I suppose is related to my urge to "escape" lust, which I associated with PMO. I've taken on what you've said, that sex can be full of lust, but includes the heart. I feel I'm only just beginning to learn what heart-centred sex is like, now that I've made the decision to stop orgasm. It's a big shift in perspective. Perhaps in the past a lot of my behavior with women has been unconsciously ruled by the 'fertilization instinct' (thanks for putting this way), so it's good to be doing something that is actively allowing me to see things from another perspective.

My girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a few days. I've been feeling a bit flat, unmotivated, frustrated, which I'm letting it pass. But, next time we do karezza I'll try to get into the flow of sending. Everything you've written there makes sense - that it's a build up of energy that wants to release and the sperm want to complete their biological imperative! Also, I intuit what you've said about the sending being restricted when squeezing the genitals. I'll try to stay slow, relaxed, and focus on giving as a gift. Thanks for that, Daryll.

I'll report back on how it goes! Thanks for your guidance, it's much appreciated.

Incidentally,

I was just chatting to my girlfriend about this build up of energy, and she mentioned that she sometimes feels this build up of energy too. So, we're wondering if there's anything she can do alongside my practice of giving, to receive, and balance the energy in her body?

I'm no kundalini expert

But I think most people have to pump their energy like a bellows if they're going to "force" it anywhere. Karezza doesn't do that. Nor does using energy circulation exercises to move excess energy through the body. (At least it hasn't for me.)

I once read that forcing the kundalini is a tantric practice for solo, male practitioners (some of whom have ritual matings now and then with women). It's about balancing yin and yang within yourself.

The karezza path is a path of relationship where the exchange of yin and yang produces deep feelings of wholeness. It's a whole other animal. But while you're single, it can be helpful to know how to "wick upward" extreme horniness...or at least I found it so. I think your system will let you know if you are on the verge of overdoing something, or forcing the energy.

Glad to help, if I can.

Glad to help, if I can.

About you're girlfriends energy build up, tough to offer insight in this area since I am a guy and my wife doesn't experience this.

A couple thoughts for you. If you've read any of Diana Richarsons's books she talks about the penis being the positive pole in the man and the breasts being the positive pole in the woman. Maybe she could try "sending" her energy into you through her positive pole, love into you from her heart. Just a thought.

The other thing that's fairly successfull in moving energy upwards is breath, especially full deep breaths. On the inhale draw the energy upwards toward the higher centers of the body. Let us know if this helps. Also, stop movement until things settle down a bit and then begin again, nice and slow.

You'll both find your way as your bodies absorb this new way of making love. All our bodies have great intelligence.

Been away...

... for a few days! Had to fly to another country for a few days. Sorry for my delay in replying to your previous message.

Here's an update.

I had about ten days of no stimulation, due to being away from my girlfriend. Since arriving back home, we've done karezza three times. It's been a little different, relating to the things you mentioned above.

I think I'm tasting more of the 'lusty sweetness' you mentioned. I've allowed 'lust' to arise within me (I suppose, "letting loose" a bit more), and have channeled that energy into loving my girlfriend. You wrote 'earthy lusty', and sex seems to be more that way in the last three sessions. At the end of each session we haven't wanted to stop, due to the good feelings. :)

I've been more heated up then I was in previous karezza. I'm not sure if it's a good thing (?), although, it's felt good. It's not like a frustrated heated up, but more of a feeling of nourishment. I've been at a higher level of arousal throughout. I've been closer to orgasm, but practising what you mentioned above; sending the love-energy at each stroke. When the energy has built up, I've felt it 'dissipate' as I focus on sending. Thanks for describing it as you did - it feels good putting it into practice. I understand what you mean about squeezing the genitals - that the sending is restricted. When I am relaxed, it feels like energy is flowing out of me naturally and she is receiving it. It feels more pleasurable for me when I stay relaxed. And, I intuit what you mean about her "milking" the energy, although I haven't experienced it significantly yet.

You mentioned to think of it like a gift, a gift of your masculine force. In the last three sessions, I've felt more connected to my masculine nature, and I likewise feel more of her femininity; how good it feels to me, to be received by her.

So, although I'm at a higher arousal level, I also feel that with focussing on sending energy throughout, I'm staying away from the urge to orgasm. In today's session, I realised that I don't want to orgasm, since it would take away from the intimacy of these new experiences.

I've also noticed that I'm able to penetrate more quickly now, whilst still maintaining connection. Is this something that you've experienced, Darryl?

Thanks for your previous message with the tips on breathing and sending love through the heart, which we've just read together. We'll be putting these into practice too (my girlfriend watched one of Diana's videos a couple of weeks ago).

Yeah,

we're both enjoying very much :) My girlfriend is in the process of writing about her experiences, which has been great for me to read too. She's not fluent in English, so we'll go through her writing together and then post the blog in a few days time. Thanks Marnia :)

Well, studentoflove you are

Well, studentoflove you are really becoming a "student of love"! Way to go. You really seem to be getting the hang of it.

My gauge on getting heated up and a higher arousal level would be this; If it doesn't make you want to orgasm and you don't find yourself slipping over the edge, then you're in the karezza ball park and that's what matters in my opinion. Some like it a little more heated up than others, there's lots of room in the non-orgasmic ball park for all our different styles. As you explore you may find you go through times where you like it more heated up and others where you find yourselves being cooler. Karezza is a ever changing and fluid exchange.

When you say you can penetrate more quickly now, could you explain this a bit more and what was your experience before this change? How does she feel about this?

Love energy

I like the idea of sending love in this way. It makes much more sense to me than dealing with 'energy', per se, whose source I am unclear of, anyway. Love comes from the heart, and I find it relatively easy to open my heart and send love as a gift. I must remember to relax at the same time, though! I'll detail my Karezza progress, or lack of it, elsewhere, one of these days; but I wanted to respond to this post of yours, Darryl, because it resonated with me on both the love and the lust levels. I was always a bit perplexed at how much lust I felt for someone I undoubtedly loved, but maybe that's not so odd, after all.