Hi everyone, I've been reading the site for a week or so now, and have finally taken the plunge and signed up.
A little back story about myself. Starting using porn at age 13, always been a pretty heavy user up until the last year or so, where I feel my usage has really spiraled out of control. I am now 26
I've always felt like I've had problems being turned on by real-life, flesh and blood women. I can't recall any spontaneous erections at all in the last 6 years, and morning erections always felt like they were not at maximum stiffness. Once in a while I would get an erection while making out and bumping and grinding, but the erections would hardly last. One of my most upsetting memories was feeling an eerie numb feeling while receiving oral sex and thinking to myself "I don't feel it!".
Yet I knew something was wrong when I would fantasize about past sexual experience and found that I was more turned on at the thought/fantasy/recollection of the events than I was in the actual moments. Granted, Anxiety must have played some role in it, but knowing my porn habit, it wasn't the whole story.
I stopped PMO over 2 weeks ago, and to my surprise, I have had literally no cravings for porn at all. It seems like I've jumped straight into flatlining?? I've had some tiny flashes of horniness here and there, but they are very few and far in between. I have only had 2 strong erections in the last 16 days, and one I believe was caused by a semi-awake dream of porn-related images, which I couldn't really control. Otherwise I have been as limp as a noodle.
One thing I have discovered is if I have a flashback of a porn-related image in my head, it seems like I've been able to immediately switch my brain into thinking about something else. It's almost frightening how good I've become at it. I don't know if it is a good thing or not, but it certainly has made the journey so far pretty easy.
I think one of the better changes in my life so far has been my attitude. I consider myself a fairly charismatic, personable individual. At the same time, I've also had a very depressed, overly emotional side which I have been battling with since my teens. This battle of almost bi-polar personalities has shocked me and has interfered with my willingness to engage in relationships with people.
Since I have stopped PMO, I have suddenly felt this surge of positive physical and mental energy. I can't say I've felt like this for a long time. I feel this feeling of what I can only describe as "hopefulness" because of this site and its members. Because I know that there are others who have this problem and are willing to fight it and to share/connect with me, I feel like life is worth living. These last two weeks have been a completely uplifting experience for me, and I'm almost tempted to say that my porn habit is probably the root cause of some of my deepest emotional problems. and now that I've found this place, I feel like I am beginning to see a light.
Sorry for being so long-winded, I promise to stop here, but not before I say that I am shocked (in a good way) at the dedication that Marnia and Gary show on this site. They spend so much time responding to so many blog posts, forum topics, comments, it almost blows my mind how some people who don't even know us, would spend so much time, energy, effort and love into helping us. Thank you.