Nervous about my journey. 16 days no PMO so far, No Cravings.

Submitted by Untapped on
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Hi everyone, I've been reading the site for a week or so now, and have finally taken the plunge and signed up.

A little back story about myself. Starting using porn at age 13, always been a pretty heavy user up until the last year or so, where I feel my usage has really spiraled out of control. I am now 26

I've always felt like I've had problems being turned on by real-life, flesh and blood women. I can't recall any spontaneous erections at all in the last 6 years, and morning erections always felt like they were not at maximum stiffness. Once in a while I would get an erection while making out and bumping and grinding, but the erections would hardly last. One of my most upsetting memories was feeling an eerie numb feeling while receiving oral sex and thinking to myself "I don't feel it!".

Yet I knew something was wrong when I would fantasize about past sexual experience and found that I was more turned on at the thought/fantasy/recollection of the events than I was in the actual moments. Granted, Anxiety must have played some role in it, but knowing my porn habit, it wasn't the whole story.

I stopped PMO over 2 weeks ago, and to my surprise, I have had literally no cravings for porn at all. It seems like I've jumped straight into flatlining?? I've had some tiny flashes of horniness here and there, but they are very few and far in between. I have only had 2 strong erections in the last 16 days, and one I believe was caused by a semi-awake dream of porn-related images, which I couldn't really control. Otherwise I have been as limp as a noodle.

One thing I have discovered is if I have a flashback of a porn-related image in my head, it seems like I've been able to immediately switch my brain into thinking about something else. It's almost frightening how good I've become at it. I don't know if it is a good thing or not, but it certainly has made the journey so far pretty easy.

I think one of the better changes in my life so far has been my attitude. I consider myself a fairly charismatic, personable individual. At the same time, I've also had a very depressed, overly emotional side which I have been battling with since my teens. This battle of almost bi-polar personalities has shocked me and has interfered with my willingness to engage in relationships with people.

Since I have stopped PMO, I have suddenly felt this surge of positive physical and mental energy. I can't say I've felt like this for a long time. I feel this feeling of what I can only describe as "hopefulness" because of this site and its members. Because I know that there are others who have this problem and are willing to fight it and to share/connect with me, I feel like life is worth living. These last two weeks have been a completely uplifting experience for me, and I'm almost tempted to say that my porn habit is probably the root cause of some of my deepest emotional problems. and now that I've found this place, I feel like I am beginning to see a light.

Sorry for being so long-winded, I promise to stop here, but not before I say that I am shocked (in a good way) at the dedication that Marnia and Gary show on this site. They spend so much time responding to so many blog posts, forum topics, comments, it almost blows my mind how some people who don't even know us, would spend so much time, energy, effort and love into helping us. Thank you.

Thank you.

Welcome

I'm sleepy, so I'll keep it brief. Good to have you here. Start a blog if you like!

It's great to hear that you're already seeing big gains. Some of you guys are just amazing.

Yeah the one thing that has

Yeah the one thing that has got me a bit uneasy is how I really haven't had to fight any urges. I see a lot of stories on here where guys are going to great lengths to fight their urges, but yet, after 2+ weeks, I have no such story to tell. Starting to be concerned about my libido, or lack thereof.

Everyone's reboot

is different. Brains also recover in different ways. Some people flatline right away, and their mood improves before their libido. Others the reverse. Some never have a flatline and have to wrestle with cravings the whole time. Others suffer a lot with mood problems more than erectile dysfunction.

While no one yet knows what precise changes account for the different experiences, the diversity makes sense. In addiction to dopamine and dopamine receptors, androgen (and other) receptors and their related neurochemicals are also at play in libido, mood and performance. It seems like some brains rebalance one before the others. Since they are interrelated, eventually all return to balance.

So, nothing to worry about.

.

[quote=Untapped] if I have a flashback of a porn-related image in my head, it seems like I've been able to immediately switch my brain into thinking about something else. ...I don't know if it is a good thing or not...[/quote]
Uh...YEAH that's a very good thing, sir, haha! A lot of us spend those weeks building that very skill! LUCKY.

[quote=Untapped]I see a lot of stories on here where guys are going to great lengths to fight their urges, but yet, after 2+ weeks, I have no such story to tell. Starting to be concerned about my libido, or lack thereof.[/quote]

Again, that's not bad! And I'm curious: are you concerned that there's something wrong with you? Your libido is gone for good? Or...?

Desensitized

[quote=Reginald]

Again, that's not bad! And I'm curious: are you concerned that there's something wrong with you? Your libido is gone for good? Or...?[/quote]

I think whats tough for me to come to terms with is that the only thing I've really been able to get turned on by is porn/fantasy. Real life in comparison seems to have had no effect on me, and suddenly now I feel like the rebooting process isn't my greatest challenge, but the re-wiring process is. i.e. learning to get turned on by my senses like touch, smell, etc. That part to me seems like a huge roadblock (even though I'm not even there yet haha)

On what the OP has said,

On what the OP has said, I've tried rebooting several times - I'm currently on my longest spell yet (17 days - and feeling far stronger than I have previously). But in each reboot, withdrawal symptoms haven't arisen until at least the second week. It is deceptive, and it's caught me out before: I've thought I had passed all the horrible first week symptoms this site talks about, start feeling that I'm going strong, and then BAM!: symptoms hit me, and I relapse.

Everyone is different

I've often said that the end of the second week can be the worst for some folks. It's possible that humans are subject to a subtle two-week cycle after orgasm. Most of us never notice it, and scientists haven't gone looking for it yet, but it shows up in other mammals. For more "The Passion Cycle" http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200908/the-pas... And long after two weeks, dips into withdrawal symptoms are quite ordinary.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

@Untapped,

Word, that IS tough to come to terms with. Rebooting can involve a lot of grieving.

As for your greatest challenge: Rewiring is not wholly seperate from Rebooting. Like, Rebooting itself does a lot of Rewiring!

So, you need not force yourself to learn to get turned on by real life; you automatically WILL, as your receptors or whatever regain sensitivity BY Rebooting.

WONDERFULLLLLLLLLLLLLL [I'm Day 37]

Well said

Rebooting often does the trick for guys who already wired to real mates in the past. But the younger crew sometimes has to make a special effort to "wire up" to real cues once their brains are returned to normal sensitivity (or during the latter part of that process).

Best way to rewire

I was one of those guys that really never wired to the real thing ( well I did but only participated In taboo sexual activities with dominatrix). So how what are some ways to rewire to the real thing?

Marnia that was a great article

I think that I might spend too much time on the Internet in general and that might be messing with my circuits. This article made me realize that ever since I got that cuddle buddy, I am forcing the interaction and maybe I shouldn't force it but just relax and let it happen. I did notice myself looking for more arousing interaction with my cuddle buddy and the article explains that this is because you have not fully rebooted. This is the exact artical that I needed. Thanks so much. So now I'm gonna head to Zumba class to have a good time!

Everyone's different

[quote=Reginald]My bad![/quote]

It's ok, it is different for everyone. Although I wouldn't consider myself young, my porn to real life ratio has always been really high, so I definitely will need to put some effort into the re-wiring process.

Pushing along at 26 Days. Still very much in control