I always knew exactly what the problem was. But i ignored it... I think each of us, way before "YBOP" and way before "Reunited", knew that porn was the problem. But we justified our issue using diferent means. We visited physicians. But the answer was so apparent. it was right in front of our faces the whole time. Well here is my story....
I am currently 28 years old. I started with porn late in College. I wasn't popular but I was social... And i did have quite a few friends. But I was a bit shy when it came to talking to women and porn was easy... it was right there. No need to express myself, just a click of the button and the girl of my dreams was right there. That began the addiction... Late night i would pop in the dvd the PMO began. The addiction grew and grew to where after I graduated I would often masturbate to porn multiple times a day. Sometimes even at work! A young lady was a major part of my life at the time and she eventually became my first sexual partner. The sex was never good and to my shame I actually told her that it was because I "wasnt that attracted to her" I even began to believe it in my own mind. I had ED but I blamed the fact that this woman wasn't that attractive. Deep in my mind I knew porn was the issue but I chose to ignore it. Anyway that all took place between ages 22 - 24. Me and this woman parted ways and I continued with my addiction.
Around the age of 25 another woman entered my life. We began talking on a continuous basis and as time grew she became my everything. I would wake up thinking about her, go to sleep thinking about her, spend all day at work with her on my mind. I was so in love. Eventually we decided to enter a relationship together, but I was scared. I knew that sex would enter into the equation at some point and I knew I had a problem. But still I ignored it! I continued to masturbate daily while looking at porn! So as we tried to introduce sex to our relationship you all know what happened... ED. But this time it hurt, because I was so in love with this woman. i tried to do everything I could... Saw a physician, tried viagra, all to no avail. The problem persisted. she became angry and resentful. Not that I blame her. It was tough to deal with. It was during our relationship that I actually tried to give up PMO. But this was done without knowing about the side effects. When I flatlined I didn't know what the hell was going on, so I ran back to porn. And the addiction continued.
Late last year we broke up. We blamed the break up on many things; lack of communication, anger issues, etc. But I truly believe the real reason was our sex life. It put such a strain on our relationship. This break up happened Dec 2010. It was then that I decided to reboot. At the time I did not know what a reboot was. I had not found YBOP or REUNITED. I just knew I had to stop with the PMO. So my reboot actually began January 1. It was my new years resolution. Now I don't know if many of you are comfortable doing this but i found success by having an accountability partner. And i would suggest the accountability partner be someone who you would never want to disappoint! Mine was MY MOTHER. That's right... I told her about this issue. it was the best decision I ever made. Why? Well because I never wanted to have to tell my mom that I masturbated to porn during the course of the day. I made her promise to check on me every day and she did. It worked well, but it was so tough. That first month was hell! And i I had wet dreams about 2-3 times. I still didnt know the side effects of rebooting but i definitely was depressed and going through withdrawl. I thought about porn all day long. I made it about 2 months before my first relapse. I went out to a club and well seeing all the women made me run home to my pc and I relasped. Afterwards I felt so ashamed. This was at the end of Feb. I started the process again. It was in April that I found YBOP and learned about the rebooting process. It was such a wonderful thing seeing that there were others going through this same thing and I was not alone! I have been porn free since the end of Feb. I had my ups and downs but i maintained.
This past August I had one minor slip. I went to a club again (maybe something about club environments but they cause me to slip.) Anyways afterwards I came home and decided to masturbate. I did it without porn and although I got the release I was looking for it wasn't the same. It was then that I decided to never masturbate again.
I am not sexually active so I am still not convinced that the reboot has worked completely. I do see improvements. I often wake up in the middle of the night now and discover I have morning wood. Last month I was making out with a woman and I did get very hard and I felt as if I ejaculated. After I left her apt I checked my pants and discovered nothing there. Dry ejaculation? maybe... I had a couple wet dreams during the weeks following. Sometimes I question the reboot because I still do not have spontaneous erections throughout the day. I guess i wont really know until I attempt to have sex again. I do know I was very hard with that woman and it was an awesome feeling! But will I have to deal with PE now? Who knows... But no matter what I do know this... I will NEVER MASTURBATE OR WATCH PORN EVER AGAIN! I lost the love of my life because of it and it is simply not worth it!
Gentleman...For those of you who just started this journey I applaud you. Trust me, You can do it! The road does get tough but this website is a god send. Keep at it and don't give up. Thank you Gary and Marnia! Your information helped me beyond measure. If any of you have rebooting questions feel free to ask... Good luck to you all!