continue as friends or wait and see ? Help !

Submitted by kat on
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Here is my problem :
I read Peace Between the Sheets but my boyfriend didn’t because he can’t read a book in English (we’re French). So I have translated each chapter summary, but I guess that’s not enough. Anyway I thought that wouldn’t be a problem because he was already really interested by practising non-orgasmic sex, since he read the esoteric books of Samael Aun Weor. But I agree with Marnia when she writes that "some of the vital clues for how one eludes biology were missing from the sacred sex manuals".
So we began the exchanges, but we stopped in the middle of the third one because he was “too tired” and didn’t feel like continuing. He said he felt too much pressure from me about that, and he found that I was too much stuck to this book. We had an argument and he refused any touch that night, but after four days he was ok to try again. So we began to read again exchange three and discuss about our feelings, and I said that it was important for me that we could keep a link after an argument by touching each other, even a minimal one like holding hands, but he refused, it was important for him to be free to do what he wanted. So we had an argument again (he had a dream orgasm that night) and another argument the day after : he found I was too exigent and that I needed to stand back from this book. He asked me to leave his room and to think about this.
The day after, we met to discuss about that, and I said him it was very important for me that after two years we gave a try to a closer relationship (until that we used to see each other not every day, lived in different places and didn’t sleep in the same bed when we were together). But he answered he didn’t want, he didn’t have enough enthusiasm to do so, maybe he didn’t have enough love for me… so we should better end this relationship now… And yet… we share the same values, have many common interests, wished we could have a baby many times…
But he still wants that we see each other regularly as friends, and he asked me not to hurry with another guy… I said I would like to discuss about his decision to stop our relationship later (for example two weeks after his last dream orgasm…!). In fact I’m pretty sure that the love who’s missing between us, would precisely re-appear if we try a closer relathionship.
Now my question is : Should I continue seeing him as a friend ? or should I stop seeing him so that he realizes (perhaps) that he’s missing me ? As for me, I really wish I could give it a last try before I decide that this relationship is finished.

Hi Kat

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough place.

I think such questions are best asked of the Divine :-), but if you want my thoughts, here they are:

Don't do anything that might have final repercussions for a couple of weeks. Relationships are precious. See him, and be generous and non-confrontational. Pressure just increases uneasiness...which impedes union.

Put the book aside. Give things some time. Then, if your'e still interested in trying the ideas, consider purchasing "Karezza, L'Art de l'Amour." (Image of cover: That way he can read the ideas for himself, written by a man. That book is the translation of this book:

Meanwhile, feel free to write me. I've been in your circumstances, and it's very uncomfortable. I wrote the book to help people avoid having their lovers project their initial resistance onto them. It may have worked, had he been able to read more of it...but who knows?

I'm thinking of you,

Thank you Marnia

for your quick answer.
I have decided to keep a neutral behavior : not "closing the doors" nor too much giving, and to wait a couple of weeks before talking about our relationship again.
And then we'll see...

By the way, I'm glad I gave up with masturbation (at last !). In fact I needed to understand what was the problem with that to be willing to stop. Now I feel I have more energy, and need less sleep. But since I'm sleeping alone, I have troubles to fall asleep as if there was too much energy in me and I needed balance...

we broke up and now this book explains almost everything

recently my girlfriend and i broke up. When we first started dating we did alot of kissing; she initiated the french kissing and it continued through our first three dates. I came to realize we really both got a high off of just french kissing. We had such magnetic attraction and bonding and we shared so many things those first three dates. Then i went away for business and while away she initiated sex texting. i had an erection everyday just thinking about her and she was feeling it too two thousand miles away. When i came home for my first visit back, i spent three days at her place. The first night was great and then i noticed she got angry at me the second night when i didn't perform oral sex long enough. It was from this point through the next 6 months until now that i noticed that after sex she would pull away from me and at the same time i would become very paranoid of her needing to go off and find someone else. I rationalized that my paranoia was due to her lack of inatentiveness or pulling back (the more she acted like a friend the more i was suspicious). There were other things that i wont go into but can the dopamine cause this hot/cold type of behavior and my paranoia. Did we just polarize each other away from each other. It also didn't help that i was finalizing a divorce. Once finalized we had really awesome bonding and sex and then she treated me like a friend for the next two weeks and started picking fights with me. anyway, the gist of it was that i was hurt and she reacted to that by breaking up. I got angry and eventually sent her an email saying we had to let each other go. this got her angry and she told me that she could no longer persue being intimate with me. after reading the previews in your book i feel so horrible. i feel like i suspected she had hormone issues but i never would have considered the dopamine was making me paranoid. I wish i could do something now but it might be too late. Even if she responds to me know how would i convince her to try this or to read the book without it sounding like i was blaming her?

Sorry for your pain

All I can say for sure is that I have *definitely* been known to project my crap onto my partners in just the way you describe her acting. At the same time, it's usually the case that *both* partners are somewhat affected by the neurochemical shifts after orgasm - even though it always *seems* like only the *other* person has a problem. Wink

So, perhaps if you can find a diplomatic way to suggest that maybe *your* perception after lots of great sex shifts for the worse and that the book explains how that might be happening, she might be more open to reading the book...and then may see herself in the book. Just a thought.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. Start a blog if you like.