it's not as easy

Submitted by bamazi on
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to drop this habit as I thought. The crux of it is the porn, I can go and have gone for over two weeks without masturbating but never gone more than 2 days without watching porn. For now I plan to quit watching porn but continue to masturbate. I think this is a good idea and will ease any withdrawal from watching the porn and once my brain has adapted to not being soo hyper-stimulated by sexual imagery I will begin to reduce my masturbation.

This is the only way that I can think of to re-educate my lower brain. Simply not watching porn and stopping masturbation cold turkey I think is actually harmful to you because it creates a terrible inner conflict that is being fueled by constant environmental factors which can be overwhelming and for me at least very debilitating. Today marks my first day of trying this method, and I may start a blog to document my experiences but I want to give myself a week to see how it goes.

my 2 cents

hey man, keep at it...personally i think the porn is WAY more damaging than the masturbation. I dont think its harmful at all to stop watching porn, in fact, its clearly more harmful to KEEP watching it. I hope you can find the strength to give it up as I am. It's really just junk and none of it is real anyway. I know its not easy, but i think it must be worth it, or sex/porn addicts would be the happiest people on earth and not here on sites like this saying how we wish we could stop, right? :)

Good Luck! Keep posting
M

thanks for the support

It was actually your blog looking4balance that motivated me to try this out. You sound like someone who is making a very earnest effort to quit and when I read your last post it really echoed the fundamental frustration that I experience. Continuing to masturbate has to be the only way to let yourself down easier. I used to be a smoker and quitting that was a piece of cake compared to this because this is like quitting a part of yourself.
I know that the literature doesn't support what I am doing but it makes sense to me. I hope you don't get down on yourself too much if you aren't consistent. But if it gets too overwhelming and there is no other outlet then don't feel bad to compromise and masturbate but don't compromise and watch porn because that just pushes whatever truly motivated you further down. Whereas by masturbating you may actually have a chance to confront what exactly has made you feel stimulated at that time and over time perhaps you may become more familiar with what your triggers are. For now that's my story and I'm sticking to it :)

thanks

hey thanks bro..that makes me feel good that my struggle is somehow helping someone else try to get free from this crap. If nothing else, lets commit to honesty about our journey to freedom from junk food sex/highs...

last few days have been tough (been alone most of the time working at home) and i did peek a bit at porn but didn't masturbate. i keep telling myself "this is a lie, this is not real, these women are acting, this could be my friend in that scene - being used and degraded..etc" and it takes some of the hook out of it. I just turned off and went to sleep! Its clear (to me) that the people in porn, to do the things they are doing in front of the camera, clearly have little pride and suffer from low self esteem I am sure and when we watch them we are joining that dynamic. Most of these women are just re-enacting the abuse they suffered as kids from men they trusted. Is that really a turn on or just kinda sad? food for thought...

peace!

keep at it

I'm starting to wonder when the withdrawal symptoms are going to kick in for me, so far I just feel like I'm more inside my own head somehow (don't know if that makes sense). You are right that other factors such as diet are important as well, I am vegan and adhere to food combining principles to maintain health. I'm wondering if the porn and masturbation has been keeping my mind and body from reaping the full benefits of my diet because I actually feel significantly better in the last few days. I've had very vivid dreams all of a sudden too, usually I just go through the motions in dreams but now I'm very present and can feel what's going on. Last night in my dream a woman was applying pressure on my spine and she was smiling and at the same time there was pain and deep pleasure as my spine adjusted. I haven't had dreams like this since I was a kid, (when I wasn't masturbating).

There are a lot of issues that go along with porn and the exploitation aspect is a big one. When you look at a video or a image though it is easy to detach from that reality. You have to be careful though not to start some new dynamic where feeling sorry for these girls becomes part of the roller coaster cycle porn dependence.

sounds true

What's weird for me right now is that stopping porn has actually diminished my sex drive. This is the longest I have ever gone without porn and I have to admit I actually feel good. I'm starting to think that porn addiction is really about an inability to express/experience intimacy in all it's subtleties. I believe that if you ever get the chance to experience true intimacy to it's fullest range with another person you are a changed person for life, but also you can't help but want to change people for life.

yea

that is so true, I think. i know what you mean. for example a few days ago I spent a better part of the day looking at porn (like i described earlier and didnt masturbate) and that day I was tired, depressed, a bit paranoid, and felt disconnected from people around me. The next day I said, "Ok, you did the one extreme yesterday. Today lets do everything to TAKE CARE OF AND NUTURE myself. Do things that make me feel good and see the result". So i worked hard, took a nice steam, did some meditation, journaled...etc. I felt really good when i went to bed. Its pretty easy, really. One way made me feel shitty and sad, the other happy and like a decent person. Easy but hard.

You are right - Porn IS about NON-intimacy and watching it is like celebrating that or brainwashing you unconsciously that its what sex is all about. there is no intimacy, just selfishness and abuse. For me, i need to make what I am seeing real and that includes thinking about the reality of the people I am seeing. Its working for me anyway. The fact that like over 80 percent of porn stars are on drugs or were sexually abused means that you are not watching healthy, happy people enjoying sex, you are watching disfunction and desperation. So in effect, you are jerking off to other peoples pain and misery (Not that sexy to me). But above all find whatever method works for you to stop.

Keep eating healthy! proper rest, food, and some exercise makes all the difference.

Peace