it may just be

Submitted by bamazi on
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that this whole technique has only scratched the surface of what has led society to become sex-obsessed and with all its consequences. We are soo different from people who lived on this earth even just fifty years ago in terms of what we eat, the air we breathe, chemicals that we interact with on an every day basis not to mention changed mores with dress and the technologies we have in our lives now. Take for instance the influence that we know smell has on how sexually responsive men and women are to each other. What if all the fancy means we have created to mask our natural body odors has effectively destroyed an important cue that we would respond to each other in terms of when it would be a good idea to go all the way (get pregnant) versus being nurturing towards one another. There's no way a man would be able to distinguish the difference if he never experienced time with a woman through her whole cycle in such a state. This is how it works in the whole animal kingdom, maybe men are confused and for the first time they are being "inspired" by their own drives without it being mitigated by the scent of a woman.

Very interesting thought

In fact, my (slightly wicked) husband just sent me a link to this story, which suggests there are a lot more potential mating cues than we have realized.

Also, more than one source about sacred sex, suggests that man is acting "unseasonably" with out-of-control sexuality.

great topic

Thanks for bringing it up, bamazi. Actually, there is research indicating that women on the pill are unable to pick up on male pheromones and therefore be adequately selective of their mates.

I consider hormonal birth control to be a serious problem for other reasons as well. Aside from the numerous negative physiological and emotional side-effects on the woman, they are also very harmful to the environment, getting into water systems and affecting wildlife.


but also getting into the water systems and then affecting us! These Phytoestrogens or "fake" estrogens are responsible for many health issues in men and have been associated with everything from obesity and cancer to impotence.

Historical perspective

Maybe we'll have to relearn the natural ways of controlling procreation.

Karezza (controlled intercourse) was once promoted as a method of birth control. I really liked this letter, even it it's more than a century old:

I am a young man, 24 years of age, enjoying the most vigorous health. For two years after becoming engaged I delayed marriage, simply because I did not think my income sufficient to support a wife and the children which I regarded as an inevitable consequence. Happily for me a friend, who knew my circumstances, wrote me about [Karezza].

The ideas contained in this discovery were so different from all my preconceived ideas of what constituted marital happiness, that I was inclined to reject them as utterly impracticable and absurd. But the more I thought of the matter the more clearly I saw that if there was a possibility of these new ideas being true, they were exactly adapted to a man in my circumstances, and that they made my marriage immediately practicable. The wholly new thought that retaining the vital force within himself would naturally make a man stronger, cleaner, and better also seemed to me not irrational.

With some misgivings, therefore, I determined to venture upon marriage, and it has been completely successful. I have had a continuous honeymoon for four years. I have never been conscious of any irksome restraint or asceticism in my sexual experience; and my self-control and strength, mental and physical, have greatly increased since my marriage. In the light of my own experience I regard the idea that the seminal fluid is a secretion that must be got rid of as being the most pernicious and fatal one that can possibly be taught to young people.
J. G.

karezza method

I'm reading the booklet online right now. It seems the main onus is on the man to control his urges but what about controlling how you stimulate the woman so she doesn't go over the edge so to speak.

The woman will have to

The woman will have to discover for herself her own techniques for not going over the edge herself. For me, deep breathing helps to dispel energy, and I will also tell my partner to stop for a half a minute or so if I am that close. I have also sucessfully and miraculously retrieved myself from an orgasm about 60% into it, by sheer force of mental focus, but its better not to reach this point.

In my experience slow tender movements tend to push me over the edge much too fast so slightly faster approach can keep me in an ecstatic state but without going over.

I'm sure each woman's different. If you're in tune with eachother, you'll probably be able to tell if what you are doing is too much for her to control herself or not.

this really flips the script

on how men understand sex. I can see how some men can develop a kind of resentment not because they don't get to ejaculate but because it feels like you're doing all the work, holding back a damn and at the same time coaxing a flower to open up.

You know hotspring what you described is a key component of truly healing union. You have to understand your partner's temperament and actually go work in the opposite direction but gently and with care. It's too difficult to describe as the author attempted in Karezza, it's never the same with two different people but what I know for certain is that in every instance there is a need of a major healing or unblocking of something first despite how truly loving or open the partner may seem. Sex and arousal are easy and healing can be easy as well as easy as pulling out a rotted tooth, if you forgot about the tooth maybe someone jabbing you at the right spot will bring it back to your attention. That's how it is sometimes. Every one of us carry our history in our physical bodies, if you have heard of emotional release that comes from such therapies as chiropractic and craniosacral therapy. We hold memory physically in our bodies whether we are conscious of it or not and I believe that Karezza should start with an understanding of sensing and clearing these before anything else, only then can it truly be a spiritual act that would elevate both.


Some thoughts:

What I say may only be flipping the script because we come from a basically mysogynistic culture that has not had the balls or ovaries to actually engage women as empowered, valuable beings in their own right. The underlying idea that women are basically nonsexual toys to be used will automatically result in a behavior of coaxing, (ie, manipulating) them.

I think that if the woman has healed from this malnourished view of female sexuality, then she won't need coaxing. She'll do more than "take responsibility" for her sexuality - she will know it as an essential part of herself that she longs to express.

If a woman feels like she is being valued for her very essense and not used, she won't need coaxing.

Still, I think that no matter how much the man expresses himself as caring, attentive, etc, if he is reinforcing objectifying behavior in any other area of his life (ie, looking at porn), he will have a residue on him energetically that the woman will consciously or unconsciously detect.

At the same time, the extent to which a woman objectifies herself (obsesses over her appearance and value primarily as a thing to be used by men)is also the extent to which she is able to be fully present and engaged in lovemaking.

yes it's true

that the view of women as empowered sexual beings is a very recent one. I don't think that coaxing is manipulating, whenever there is inexperience during sex then one partner is always going to try to bring the other to a place of balance if their intention is truly to share a spiritual union. Another way I see it is directing the other to find their source but only someone who has found it for themselves can bring someone else to that awareness. The whole range of what is possible in intimacy is really infinite.