"To be nobody but yourself in a word which is working night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting." -E.E. Cummings
*yawn*, good morning everybody :). Beautiful day it isn't?. This was quite an interesting week. I experience both ends of the mood-swing spectrum. In day 11th my moods where through the roof. That day I woke up very early( sleep for about 4 hours) and was as horny as a rabbit lol. I spent having 3-4 spontaneous erections through the day, had to meditate to calm myself. I had so much energy that day that I went twice outside to do exercise, did 30 minutes of yoga, wrote a lot and still had lots of energy to spent.
Day 12th and 13th were terrible. I feel anxious, depress and horny again lol. That insidious feeling that life looks colorless. Good thing that I understand that I hit the lower end in the reboot process. It is interesting how dopamine can altered our perception of the world, one day I was *o* the other T.T. Understanding why you feel that way really helps a lot.
Lately I am seeing sexual energy as a type of currency. It is really not worth it to spent it in pleasure contractions that last for so a few seconds. When there is so much more you can do with it. I have notice some benefits of abstaining:
a)-The voice has become more virile and manly...as I abstain more, the more deep it becomes.
b)-Remembering more my dreams.
c)-Prone to take more risk actions
d)-Need to sleep less( 4-5 hours is enough)
e)-Have more energy to do things...a lot more.
f)-Better appreciation for art, specially music.
Something that took me by surprise is the change on music tastes. Don't know if this has to do with pmo abstinence or kundalini awakening. I have always like beautiful music but the sounds I used to listen to very melancholic, they had a sense of loss, like something was missing. Now I am hearing songs that had a more happy theme, very upbeat and that have a sense of fulfillment. Also every time I abstain for at least a week I feel this sweet/warn energy moving around my body.
Yesterday I was also reflecting on sexuality and sexual desire. Read an article called the quest for spiritual orgasm( thanks for sharing it Marnia :) ) and decided to start studying and practice these spiritual disciplines, If anyone have any recommendations, feel free to share it.
We should honor sexual desire, because of it we are here lol. Sex is really the most pure and chaste act. I have always wondered at what point the church decided to demonized it and why was the reason behind these allegations. Causing at first suppression and later over-expression with the hippie movement. I truly believe that in the near future karezza will be something very common, maybe it could become the usual way people have sex. Yeah I know, I am an idealist :P, but I believe in change. With the divorce rates going up and people noticing more the insidious damage that porn do to their lives they will start seeking alternatives. For the first time in history we have the technology and science to prove what the sages of the past knew about how sex can shape our perception of the world and also can see for ourselves how porn and compulsory masturbation affect us.
Let's see what happens next week. Stay strong and focus on the reasons why you are doing this. You are mean to be much more than this; when you kick out this addiction( everyone will do at some point), you will be free and know this other new person that you were all this time, I am sure that you will like this new guy as women will do .