Today I felt really weird.
In day 11 I wrote about my sleep deprivation and insomnia. Well you have to get your sleep back at some point and today I woke up 12:30. I think I managed to get out of bed at around 2 p.m. and I was dressed around 3 p.m.. So far my rant on personal productivity :)
I felt like crap so I decided to meditate to change my emotions. I've noticed that meditation helps me a lot when it comes to subjects as these. So this entire reboot experience is a great way to get back on track with my meditation habbit. Today I could only reach a high when i was playing very loud music. haha, I also didn't feel very motivated to see other people. Unconsciously I was also getting annoyed with other people, I started seeing arrogant people everywhere. haha, thank god I've read a lot about the withdrawal symtomps so I know that I'm prepared.
A positive thing that I've noticed is that when I was chatting with a girl on facebook, I was imagining myself hooking up with her. I remember her flirting with me when we were going out, but off course back then I felt apathic :p. I also start to pay attention far more to details such as girl's skin tone and hair colour. Really amazing!
Question: The first day's I wrote about having very strong morning wood, frequent and multiple random erections, very strong arm pit oder and a bit of a temper. I also felt more agressive,assertive and I also moved around in a way that reflected it.
Does this mean that this is my normal level of horniness, masculine behavior? The fact is that I can't deny having issues with this in the past due the fact that I had a passive father, combined with this porn behavior. I mean it would be great to see this also improve.
I just remember something. I was out with a friend on a holiday and he keeps telling me "dude this georgous girl is checking you out, go talk to her". After 20 minutes I made a signal that she should come over and I just panicked...... That's how bad it was.. Fuck. Remember the lonely period I talked about in the beginning of my post when I started watching more porn? Well I was just getting out of that!