day 12 - question concerning masculine perception

Submitted by High_Achiever on
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Today I felt really weird.

In day 11 I wrote about my sleep deprivation and insomnia. Well you have to get your sleep back at some point and today I woke up 12:30. I think I managed to get out of bed at around 2 p.m. and I was dressed around 3 p.m.. So far my rant on personal productivity :)

I felt like crap so I decided to meditate to change my emotions. I've noticed that meditation helps me a lot when it comes to subjects as these. So this entire reboot experience is a great way to get back on track with my meditation habbit. Today I could only reach a high when i was playing very loud music. haha, I also didn't feel very motivated to see other people. Unconsciously I was also getting annoyed with other people, I started seeing arrogant people everywhere. haha, thank god I've read a lot about the withdrawal symtomps so I know that I'm prepared.

A positive thing that I've noticed is that when I was chatting with a girl on facebook, I was imagining myself hooking up with her. I remember her flirting with me when we were going out, but off course back then I felt apathic :p. I also start to pay attention far more to details such as girl's skin tone and hair colour. Really amazing!

Question: The first day's I wrote about having very strong morning wood, frequent and multiple random erections, very strong arm pit oder and a bit of a temper. I also felt more agressive,assertive and I also moved around in a way that reflected it.

Does this mean that this is my normal level of horniness, masculine behavior? The fact is that I can't deny having issues with this in the past due the fact that I had a passive father, combined with this porn behavior. I mean it would be great to see this also improve.

I just remember something. I was out with a friend on a holiday and he keeps telling me "dude this georgous girl is checking you out, go talk to her". After 20 minutes I made a signal that she should come over and I just panicked...... That's how bad it was.. Fuck. Remember the lonely period I talked about in the beginning of my post when I started watching more porn? Well I was just getting out of that!

I know that on days 5-7 or

I know that on days 5-7 or something there is a rize in testosterone which then goes back down to normal aain. I have felt that strongly on those days. This is more edgy masculinity than the days before and after. Later days feels more like balanced masculinity. The best effects seems to come when you have gone much longer.

If you are working on your masculinity issues there are some great resources out there and some stuff that works great.

For reading I highly recomend the way of the superior man by david deida and the book no more mister nice guy. I also highly recomend these two blogs:

http://yohami.com/blog/

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/

They give crystal clear analysis of many important aspects of being a man, being a man today and of gender interactions.

In a more hands on way you can work at it by lifting weights. Over time your testosterone levels goes up a lot and this equals more masculine energy. Doing martial arts is also great for working on your masculinity. Especially for men in our culture which in my opinion has been trained from birth to be weak, cowards and have low pain tolerance. Many good martial arts to choose from. Krav Maga is superb on all levels, thai boxing, MMA and many others are good as well. Internal martial arts such as tai chi and BAGUA are great to and in many ways work deeper. They also teach you more about the interplay between male and female energies in yourself and how to use both to fingth an opononent. THere are important lessens in that.

I also highly recomend standing meditation. IMO it builds what I call the yin aspect of teh alpha male. By that I mean the confident, relaxed, stoic aspect as oposed to the yang aspect which is more about the assertive, agressive testosterone related aspect. As long as you keep at it over time ten minutes is enough to get the basic benefits for this purpose.

thanks for the reply

I'm already lifting weights and yeah lifting weights increases your testosterone a lot.

I must say I've worked a lot on this lately, simply because I never had a father who showed me how. He never learned me how to be assertive, competitive etc.. Simply because he was incapable of showing me how. I remember when I was 17 he asked me whether or not he should be more confident and stand up more for himself. I mean that's not what you want to hear from your father....

I've developed my sense of manhood a lot through battling insecurities and challenges f.e. overweight---> now slim / used to be shy---> now I'm charismatic etc.... I have plenty of more examples, but these were very important for me.

In order to battle this addiction I took up meditation again. Is standing meditation that different from meditation in a lotus position?

Hmm...

I don't think you can be sure what "normal" levels of horniness are for a while. During the reboot, your body/brain chemistry seems to swing around like a pendulum for a while before it settles into "normal" for you. ("Normal" of course allows for healthy fluctuations, too.)

In any case, it's cool that you're noticing tangible changes in your responsiveness. [ok]

I also may add

that the question concerning masucline perception, is mostly related around "women". Mostly centered around my apathy towards them, but now that I know the root of this, this will all change very soon.

From now on I will post everyday.

Kudos for the weight loss

Kudos for the weight loss and overcoming of shyness. I find meditation to be supremely helpful with regards to any addictive type behavior. As for standing meditation I guess the answer is same same but different. A lot of the effects are the same but there are important differences. Standing meditation builds a more active form of energy and makes you very, very rooted/grounded/earthy while sitting meditation often can but does not have to make you a bit, even very, fluffy and too head centered. You can meditate on your root chakra sitting down and get a lot of the same effects but standing is easy way to get those kinds of effects pluss some others. It is more energetic, more like the effects of moving qigong or yoga. I am certainly not saying don`t do sitting meditation I just say that for this specific benefit standing is more beneficial than average breath or mantra based meditations.