Day 140ish, semi-successful sex, what should i do to improve?

Submitted by easypeasy on
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Had sex last night, and the following happened.

During handjobs and stuff i had 100% boner which i was really pleased about, but when taking off clothes and things (and i found this girl very attractive) I'd completely lose it within a minute, but i still half-managed penetration. Since i've quit PMO for this long i feel way better in terms of energy and mood, completely recovered in fact, but there's still some work to do with the libido.

I'm not particularly annoyed about this, after all i still had a 100% boner for some of it and if there hadn't been a delay i don't think there would have been a problem, but how do i completely eradicate this problem?

Was this the 1st sex you've

Was this the 1st sex you've had since rebooting? A new person you're not 100% comfortable with?

If foreplay got you fully aroused, you probably are just experiencing a bit of performance anxiety with a new person. Take some time to get comfortable with her, and try not to focus on "what if's" (e.g. what if it doesn't stay hard?) and focus just on the sensations. I bet things work just fine within two or three more romps in the hay with her! :)

That's the best advice

Stay focused on sensations and pleasing your partner, and Mr. Happy will get with the program. This is just an echo from your past that psyched you out. Remember once you penetrate someone, you usually don't have all the visuals...which is what your brain wired to the strongest.

But believe me, it's rewiring to female contact as fast as it possibly can. Just picture all those little neuronal elves busily constructing dendrites. Smile

Spot on

Despite the fact that focus on porn can draw the focus away from real sex and make it difficult, that's not to say that a normal healthy man won't have a little more trouble once in a while with regards to a new partner. Especially considering this is probably one of the first times you've done it since the reboot, it's possible you felt even more pressure over this time. I'd say you're doing fine. Keep it up!

That's a good point

thanks for reminding me. The more relaxed you feel, the better your erections. (Has to do with a neurochemical called oxytocin.) So keep the emphasis on bonding behaviors, and try to stick with one partner for long enough to let your nervous system catch up with these relaxed feelings.

Just keep at it

be less intense .. skip the handjobs and make out with her, kiss her from head to toe, tease her a little bit down there too ;).. and if that doesn't work.. look at your daily habits... are you sleeping enough? are you clean from junk foods? or maybe you just need a little more time? keeep trying different things, and see what works best for uu!

Tough one

[quote=TheUnderdog]Sounds like performance anxiety not porn induced ED.

Do you use condoms?[/quote]

Blurry line! I was never sure if PA or PMO caused my ED (Phew what a sentence) but I had to eliminate PMO to at least clear something from my list.

thanks for the advice guys,

thanks for the advice guys, It was the first sex, I wasn't using a condom as she's on the pill and I haven't watched any porn in my 140 days, but i've masturbated twice. I'm gonna keep seeing her and noting improvements :)

There are some great

There are some great hypnosis tapes that can cure you of your performance anxiety really well. The only problem is I don't know if these will clash with your reboot process.


[quote=blip]There are some great hypnosis tapes that can cure you of your performance anxiety really well. The only problem is I don't know if these will clash with your reboot process.[/quote]

More info please?


During my earliest bouts with ED (waaay before I decided to give up PMO), I used this, and it helped a lot, but it was never able to totally cure my ED because my ED was porn-related. But it helped in terms of the anxiety I felt with not being able to get it done.

Like I said before, I don't know if this kind of hypnosis would be a hindrance to the reboot process.

Thanks blip

we'll find a place for this on YBOP. Most guys have both problems by the time porn-induced ED has set in. So it's good to use confidence builders along with rebooting.

definately performance

definately performance anxiety. Same thing happened to me. Ignore it, try the tapes, tell yourself your boner is strong and healthy (and dont look at it), breath deeply, and focus on how beautiful she is.