www.reuniting.info MAKE-OVER

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Submitted by Marnia on
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www.reuniting.info is going to be getting a makeover in the next few months, and before we hire a design contractor and someone to update the site to the latest version of the software it runs on, we'd like your thoughts.

Originally, my vision for the site was as a place where people could come and share their karezza experiences and insights. Obviously, the site has taken a strange turn in the last 5 years, thanks to the Internet porn epidemic. The silver lining is that "Your Brain On Porn" was born, and it genuinely seems to be helping people unhook from porn.

The "Recent posts" do turn off karezza visitors, but separating the forum doesn't seem like the right answer, so it's likely to continue the way it is.

I know the men here love it when women contribute, so if anyone has suggestions of how to make the environment more woman-friendly, they would be welcome.

We're also struggling with how to reorganize the forum, so if you have topic categories you'd like to see, let us know. We might move the addiction topics to the bottom, now that the YBOP resource is available. In any case, how much do forum topics help people decide if they belong at www.reuniting.info???

What *does* make you feel you belong? What would you change if it were your site? Different tabs at the top of the headers? Changes to "First Visit?" What do you like? What don’t you like? Speak up with any inspirations that come to you, even if they answer questions I’m not asking.

Any other design ideas? All comments are welcome. Don’t mince words either about what’s not working in the current site.

Thanks for your suggestions. Feel free to PM me if for any reason you don't care to comment here. http://www.reuniting.info/privatemsg/new/2


I will see if that's possible.

As it is, if they click on the ♥ under "All recent posts," they will not see the recovery posts. It would have been nice to do it the other way around, but it's far less work for us to tag the karezza posts. Wink

Logical as it is,

I'm not sure we want to separate out "recovery posts." The reason is that we hope some of the recovery guys will get curious about some of the ♥ subjects we discuss as they get back in balance. It's good to know about more options, even if you don't care to employ them right away. Smile And some of us "elders" have been through similar challenges and are happy to pass along what we learned the hard way.

Marnia -

You just described where I am at in this whole process. However, I might be in the minority of those who originally came for PMO problems, but find karezza very interesting.


Can see both arguments

I came here primarily for the PMO addiction postings, but have found myself reading karezza blog postings also when I went to "All recent posts", and found the topic interesting, and no doubt useful for the future. Many people who successfully re-boot may migrate to the karezza forum as they start or re-start relationships with significant others.

I may eventually make my own

I may eventually make my own reply, but for now I'll embellish and add commentary as posts trigger thoughts.

The porn dilemma is tough. It probably does scare people away. At the same time, it might be attracting people who can really feel a sense of belonging and who might not othersie open up. I value the comments of the those here for other reasons. It isn't a segregated world and by splitting us off it might diminish the efficacy of being here.

I suggest building in more options so that users can turn features on or off. You can't satisfy everyone in a one size fits all design. It is a good idea to have a way for users to track specific threads and be notified of a reply, quote, etc. On a similar note, there should be an option to be notified that you have a PM by email as some users don't come around much and can be harder to contact.

If you want to get fancier, I'd like to see a way to utilize the PM function by email. What I mean by this is a way of communicating over email instead of PM, but having it go through the PM system. Somehow you'd have to keep the email addresses anonymous. Perhaps using the anonymous forwarding you use to currently email users, you could route the replies back through the PM system and then just have an option to forward to the user. That way one person could use email and another not if the users want that. One of many advantages would be easier communication on computers where accessing the site isn't always a great idea. It would also allow users better archive and search.

I'd also like to see a way to export PM mailboxes and our own blogs or even all of our posts. Some of us might want to have these in the future given their personal development nature. I'm hoping Reuniting is here to stay, but given that isn't the American way, options are good.

Another thought is that while users can change usernames, usernames are often put into the text of messages. That is harder to change even though you can manually edit them. Perhaps it makes sense to have some sort of dynamic process for that.

Maybe a way for users to bookmark or rank threads. Right now you sort the content and extract some of it. As the user base grows you might want to make some selection dynamic. New users might benefit from that too as sometimes the current new threads can take funny turns that might turn people away.

My 2 Cents ...

I have only been here for a few weeks, so I'm relatively new to this web site.

1. Under the Tab "My Recent Post" - I would like the ability to perhaps "manage" this on my own. I'm getting into my second page, and would like to delete older blogs or threads on my own.

2. I came here first to get help with my PMO. I'm like encouraging people and reading how people are progressing on their journey. However, since I seem to be progressing well with my PMO, I am also beginning to learn more about Karezza and figure I will most likely start interacting in those forums and blogs over the next few weeks / months.



What if we could mark

What if we could mark threads as unread? Sometimes I click into a thread, but don't have time to properly read the longer posts. I'd like an option to mark as unread which would actually roll it back to the prior state with maybe an option to tag the thread as unread. You've all been writing more than I can keep up with.


I often read on my phone, but my reply is too long to manage on the phone - then I end up forgetting to come back and respond. If I could 'flag' a post or save a link to it - save for later, or the like the * option in google reader, that would be grand!


Goddesses like inspiring men to conquer dragons.

Freedom -

I like your idea. I think that be able to mark as read or unread is great. Like yourself, I too am starting to feel a little overwhelmed in trying to keep up with blogs and post. When a blog gets too long I have to go back an re-read the original to be able to remember what is being discussed. I don't know how Gary & Marnia do it.

porn addicts need Karezza

I think the theme of intimacy without the goal of orgasm is important for porn addicts (and masturbation addicts such as myself) to hear. I can understand that women interested in Karezza aren't going to want to hear "recovery" stories. Just curious, why not move all the "recovery" stories over to YBOP, and make this site focus on what it was intended for? You've probably answered that somewhere else.

It might have to do with the fact that

It might have to do with the fact that do to the law of unintended consequences, Reuniting.info is drawing in most of it's unique visitors based on the fact that there is a *free* forum wherein people can talk openly and share their stories about compulsive sexuality, masturbation and porn addiction. Our society has very limited outlets for these stories outside of a moralistic, faith based context. YBOP is a new presence on the web and will take time to build up, my speculation on their current thinking is that they don't want to turn people away who need the help but who are uneducated about Karezza, bonding behaviors (or who may have no interest).

They are trying to find a balance that accommodates people who come here to learn about sacred sexuality and those people who are trying to quit porn or get their pickled brains back to a normal sensitivity level.


the only place we want more traffic for traffic's sake is YBOP, because we feel it has information that people often can't get elsewhere, and that it is vitally needed today. It would be nice to share the karezza concept more broadly, but it seems people have to find it when they're ready...when they realize things aren't working well according to the "common knowledge" rules.

In any case, the YBOP people are welcome here. Personally, I think you guys add a lot.

Like Freedom, I believe that the site can't do its work unless both sexes feel free to say what they need to say. The exception may be rants that generalize about the opposite sex, as Cheerio pointed out. We'd tolerate them too, but when we have, they haven't seemed to help the persons ranting.

I think both genders have to be somewhat tolerant of others who arrive here "under the influence." For example, when hotspring showed up, she was lecturing us on the wonders of female ejaculation and churning through men (and getting pissed at them) at an amazing rate. Wink Yet she, like many of the men who arrive in a similar state, have made enormous contributions of wisdom and insight to the community here. She now sees men with compassion, and many of them adore her despite her directness.

We just can't judge people by how they see the world while their brains are out of balance. And giving each other a supportive, safe place to work out the kinks seems to be helpful. So the forum will remain, and will remain joined. We will find a way to make the karezza/non-recovery threads more prominent perhaps. And we'll try to implement as many of your other suggestions as we can.

The ♥ threads reflect the

The ♥ threads reflect the growth of the people who have been here, many of whom started at a very different place. It is important that they don't forget that and remain accepting of the newer folks. For all we know we'll move on to double ♥s or something entirely different in a little while.


[quote]For example, when hotspring showed up, she was lecturing us on the wonders of female ejaculation[/quote]
Oh lord, don't tell me... THAT'S why her name is "hotspring"!?

I guess we need more

I guess we need more emoticons in reuniting 2.0. I think we can theoretically use any here if we paste them or our systems can generate them. Perhaps the site can include a way to insert them. Anyone have good ideas for a karezza emoticon?

Interesting indeed...

I copied the eye-text from one of the hundreds of posts on Reddit that uses it. I was trying to convey "MIND BLOWN", not "disapproval". Whoops. But now I know I have a ready-made index of emoticons to reference whenever these situations come up! (and who said Wikipedia wasn't useful)

Site design issues

As I've mentioned somewhere before, I'd like a colleagues could glance at my screen and not wonder what I'm reading view. This might be achievable with a variation site so the normal one is whatever you like and the variant is much cleaner looking and displays only neutral text. The variant would be good for people on limited bandwidth or smartphones which are all going to have monthly data bandwidth caps sooner or later.

I'm one of the ones

that would not be here if I came to Reuniting today. I spent most of a week reviewing the info, reading the book and trying to decide if I wanted to expose my relationship on the internet. If I had discovered it today, I would have looked at the recent posts, and have just clicked past. I would have read some of the blogs/posts, but there's no way I would have risked creating an account. There's a lot of subtle (and not so subtle) anti-female comments that happen here, and it's uncomfortable at times. It's kinda locker-room, if you know what I mean. But it goes with the territory, I guess. You have to make baby steps before you can walk again. Wink (Ha ha. I'm thinking of the man that learned to walk again by crawling like a baby in The Brain that Changes Itself).

If there was an option to *never* see a post, or get an email from a particular person - an 'ignore' option, it would solve the problem for me.


Could you start another

Could you start another thread on this and give some examples? Several of the women here express this, but with a few exceptions I don't see it. Those few exceptions tend to be stray users or men with their addict brain running amok. Nothing is stopping this from creeping over to karezza threads. I don't understand this dichotomy that the female view chooses to limit their interest to karezza and males to porn recovery. It is a bit hierarchical and as some have said here, not accurate. It is an individual choice that might be biased toward women wanted karezza info. The reality is likely well reflected in the site. That reality is important for women to know and understand if the ultimate goal is "healing with sexual relationships." If either sex finds they can't get that here, they won't stick around. There will be resistance for many new users. It took me a while to join.

Yes, we need some sort of simple way to fork threads, perhaps with the option to view the entire discussion together or as separate threads.

It also might be nice to see all posts from a user without the threads and then jump back into the threads.

I would love the ability to

I would love the ability to subscribe to threads and even get email when a thread is updated that I'm subscribed to.

I'd also like a cleaner break betweens karezza and recovery posts plus a way to decide what I'm interested in when I look at all recent posts. Blocking certain threads would be a nice feature also.

I struggle a bit to follow threads and find new ones.

All good suggestions

Since we're working with Drupal, and I don't know what it can and can't do, I can't promise anything, but I'll be sure and add these to the wish list.

I'll keep jumping this thread up for a few days, so if that creates hassles for any of you, I apologize in advance.

I like the idea of

I like the idea of a keyword search that allows you to filter threads.

I should also say that I like this website a whole bunch and it has helped me a lot. I'm very thankful it is here and that it has drawn so many wonderful people. Thank you for continuing to allow discussion of porn recovery and masturbation addiction.


I actually enjoy reading the recovery stories~~they have allowed me to see a side of men I never knew existed and they have allowed me to see things through another perspective.

I have a much more tender spot in my heart for what someone goes through to kick the habit and I have a much, much, much harder spot in my heart for the porn industry.

You know, I think the reason this forum seems so wonderful and positive to me is because most everyone here (karezza folks and porn folks) are currently mostly avoiding orgasm, lol! No wonder there isn't a lot of ranting and negativity!! A bunch of people with balanced brains all in one spot--DOH!


Question about ♥'s

My thread about my relationship has a ♥ but doesn't show up when I click on the heart icon. I know it's not about Karezza, but it also wasn't intended to be about porn recovery either. Just curious.

You have to put a heart as

You have to put a heart as one of the community topics. Remember you need to separate them with commas if you have more than one. If you forget, you can edit this and your thread should then appear under the karezza threads. The karezza threads link on the left is just a shortcut to view threads tagged with a ♥ in the community topics field.


I didn't know that--thanks, Freedom! (I'm guessing none of my posts show up in the karezza section since I've never done that, either)



send me a link to the one you want fixed, and I'll add a ♥ to the
"Community Topics" on the edit page. Sometimes I assume you computer wizards know more than you do. Wink

I thought of another one...

VERY occasionally...I think better of what I'm about to say and don't post it. Maybe there could be a "cancel" button that would make it easier not to post something I really shouldn't anyway. I realize not everything popping into my head that I think is funny is really funny. The risk I guess would be if people spend a lot of time on a particular post and then hit "cancel" by accident but it could be in all caps red letter or on the opposite side of the screen or something.

What do you mean? Can you

What do you mean? Can you not just edit out what you don't want posted. Do you seek something like the apps that limit texting after certain hours.

You already have some options. You can click preview as a means to read it before posting. You can also edit out anything after posting. The exception to editing is that you cannot edit a reply once someone else posts a reply or quote to that. You can always edit the original post.

The suggestion is

you see this at bottom of screen:

Preview comment Comment Cancel

I only suggest it because there have been *ahem* only a few times where I have something snarky and hit reply...then I think better of it. The only way to back out is to hit the back button or go over and just click all recent posts. Just putting it in the suggestion box.

I mean to highlight the new

I mean to highlight the new without the old being displayed. Sometimes people just fix a typo, sometimes they add/delete a paragraph. It can take time to figure it out without rereading the entire post.

Group options

Maybe the site should support the formation of private groups. For example, something like a creative writing group might be interesting. Or a virtual men's group. Or somewhere for those feeling uncomfortable with the porn talk to talk among themselves. Or a closed group of courtly companions. Some downsides are complexity and limited value to the collective.

Your mind

always amazes me. Smile

It's true that we all learn so much from each other that splinters may cheat us, but I'll give it some thought.