[Self-report from NoFap, by a guy who gave up porn and tried karezza]
I can't believe it's already been 30 days.
Some of this reminds me of other major paradigm shifts in the way I saw things, like when I discovered how to look at Christianity through a Jewish lens, or when I become a full-fledged libertarian.
Other observational posts I've made along the way:
Images are from a fountain with a series of sculptures in Nuremberg, Germany called the "Marriage Carousel." It depicts a 400-year old poem by a former town resident about the phases of marriage. The fountain shows a couple starting out in a swan boat, the happy honeymooners. They end up grappling with each other in hell. With karezza, the story is reversed.
...When I married a girl I met in college I thought it was going to be wonderful and we would live happily ever after. I thought I was going to get my needs met once and for all. What I didn’t realize was that she had the same thing on her mind. We both approached each other with our own selfish personal agenda. To me, it seemed that all she wanted was sperm and a paycheck. And I guess to her, it seemed that all I wanted was frequent sexual loving. It became obvious that we didn’t want and value the same things in life. Ten years later found me with three children, bankrupt, jobless, homeless, divorced and heartbroken. It was a nightmare.
This piece shares how one man discovered that learning to use sex as "a pure act of sharing" shifts perception in the direction of inner peace. Here's an excerpt (or read the entire piece).
... The problem we face is simple. Our fears of physical decline, of pain, of not surviving, of not feeling loved drives our ‘ego-sense of self’ within the primitive part of our brain mad and makes us grasp outwardly for relief from the discomfort we feel. Whatever we think will solve the immediate problem is what we go for and it is always determined by our conditioning, our circumstances and preferences. It doesn’t matter what form it takes because it’s always the same. We want relief from suffering.
by Joni Renee Original version
Over the fall I decided I had to be single for a while. While reluctant, I knew it was best, as I had some serious studying to do to become licensed in my field - and men (because of my zest for them) proved to be too much of a distraction. So I gave them up, short-term. Strange to say, this wasn’t the hardest thing to do. I have lived most of my life single. I have found that truly ecstatic relationships are not super common. I enjoyed harnessing my energies so I could study, and was rewarded as I passed several of the licensing tests (there are too many).
About a month after living the single life, I noticed my health started to suffer. Specifically, I started experiencing severe insomnia. This was unusual because I am famous for my sound sleep. I am known to lay my head down at night, and the next thing I know I wake up at daybreak. I have even participated in sleep studies, only to be told I have perfect sleep. I never could understand jetlag, as I easily adjust to the new time zone wherever I go.
Want to share this concept with someone without directing them to this site? This piece is also published here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marnia-robinson/karezza-for-singles_b_714003.html
After spending eight months in Asia studying abroad and holding strong boundaries, I came back to the States ready for MEN!
Gorgeous men abound here, and I had no trouble connecting with several lovers in the first few months. After many years of being stuck in the orgasm cycle, I was tired of it. I wondered how would Karezza (being sexually intimate without orgasm) work for singles?
T and my Karezza practice has deepened. We've had to go through some frustration, some orgasms, some fighting, and then healing. But each step of the way has been really healing for both of us. It's funny how you don't really "know" what something is until you "do."
Have some thoughts about the practice of karezza, gentle intercourse without the goal of orgasm or related subjects?
Just discovered your site. My wife and I have been practicing/doing what can be called Karezza for a number of years. We started with the Mantak Chia and tantric writings and my initial efforts were along the lines of control, effort, and procedures.
It has been five years now of experimenting with Peace karezza in our 18-year relationship. At first my wife resented me taking away her pleasure. So I said, OK let's play with it and see what happens. Two years ago we were on the verge of divorce after having gone back entirely to standard western fucking. Then I restarted the program again in spite of resentment blocks. Staying married also depended upon taking vows very seriously and surrendering to the Universe.